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“Savannah wants to talk you.” Cut steps back, allowing us to enter.
“Alone.” I clarify, turning around to face Sin. “Please, Matthew.” His eyes portray his uncertainty, as he studies Cut, trying to gauge his mood. What he sees must convince him as he nods to us then leaves.
“Matthew?” Cut questions me. “There have only been two women who used that name for my brother and both of them were blood. Why do you feel you have the right to call him by it?”
“Because he told me he likes it. Because maybe your brother is changing and coming to terms with the fact that he’s more than just Sin.” He smirks, nodding his head for me to take a seat. “Is it okay if I sit here?” I look around and the only option I have is to sit at the table.
“Yes.” He takes a seat as well.
“So what gives?” I ask as I cross my arms over my chest.
“I don’t understand?”
“Well, a few weeks ago you eyeballed like you wanted me dead and then I see nothing of you, I hear nothing from you. When you see me in the shop, you turn the other way. When you come to see your mother, you ignore me. And now, you don’t seem like you want to inflict harm on me, you offer me to stay within your precious clubhouse walls, so what gives?”
He chuckles. “Are you sure you come from an abusive relationship? Because you seem a little lippy to have spent the last four years of your life being smacked around.”
“Lippy?” The word doesn’t sit well with me.
“Yeah, lippy, you like to run your mouth.”
“Oh, you mean outspoken? It’s who I am. Well, who I was but haven’t been able to be for a long time now.”
“And now you feel like you can be outspoken?” I don’t reply. I’m certain he knows my answer. “I never wanted you dead, Savannah. I’m just a cautious person. I don't trust easily.”
“I get that.”
“You’re not one of us. You came in here like Sin’s shiny new toy and some of us can become distracted by things that shine. I can’t and won't allow my brother or my club to get distracted because when that happens, people die…”
“I don’t want that either.”
“Lily has a high opinion of you.”
“She’s nice. I like her.”
“My mother likes you, too. Says nothing but good things.”
“You’ve asked?” That surprises me.
“I have. Do you think I’d allow you to stay with my mother and not ask how things are going?”
“I guess not.”
“You aren’t replacing Sienna.”
My eyes snap to his. “I’m sorry?”
“My mom told me you refuse to sleep in her room. I understand that. I’m sure you denied my mother’s request because you felt it was disrespectful to my sister, but I’m letting you know that it wouldn’t have been, but I appreciate that you thought that.” I stay silent. “Have you ever lost someone you loved, Savannah?”
“No, not really. My mother’s parents passed when I was young, so I didn’t really know them. But other than that, no.”
“There is no way that you can ever replace the one you’ve lost. It’s impossible. I’ll never be able to replace my father; I wouldn’t ever want to. The guys here, the ones who were around when my father led, they’re father figures, but they will never be my father. My sister, there was only one Sienna and no one will have the same spirit or same light in their eyes as my sister.”
I’m not sure where he’s going with this. He’s either trying to tell me that he’s okay with me being here or that I’ll never be more. I’ll never be a sister figure to him, I’ll never be a daughter figure to his mother, but that’s fine because I don’t want that. I just want to feel safe, to get my life in order and live it, finally, live it. “Is that why you keep Lily hidden?” I’m not sure if I’m out of line by asking, but it doesn’t hurt.
“There is only one Lily. One love and she’s it for me. I will do anything to keep that love safe. I’m not sure if you know this, but the marriage is new. Not even a year yet. When my father and sister were murdered, I was lost. Anger was the least of my issues. I was out of control with grief and I wanted nothing to do with anything that resembled love. Lily stayed by my side and she fought for me, she fought against me as well. She saw something I didn’t, something I wouldn’t allow myself to see or feel. That was unconditional love. I saw the love my parents had for each other and I saw that love destroy my mother. She was a shell of the woman who raised me and who kept me in line. I was a lot to handle as a child, but my mother had the strength to keep me in line. I don’t want to ever feel what my mother has experienced, the loss of the love of your life. When she lost her husband and daughter, she lost herself. Lily changed that for me. Years after their deaths, I finally allowed myself to want that love, and she was still there for me, waiting. I let anger take hold after their deaths and Sin, Sin shut down, emotionally dead. He lost himself in the grief. He’s become untouchable but he still has a good heart.”
“Untouchable?”
