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You wanted to talk to her again, my conscience reminds me, and yes, that’s probably a good idea. I wanted to, but I keep putting it off because I just can’t bring myself to approach her.
Susannah is acting the way she usually does, as is Katie. She doesn’t seem to be worried. At least not in a way that she would admit. But if she were, she’d say something, wouldn’t she? Maybe I’m just reading too much into everything. Maybe I’m seeing more than is actually there because I really, really don’t want to deal with my own problems.
But the more time that passes, and the more I notice what and how little Susannah eats, the more worried I get. Until finally I can’t take it anymore.
“Susannah, can we talk for a moment? Alone.” The question slips out before I’ve even had a second to think about whether this is the right time for it or not. Probably not, but anything is better than not talking. The voices in my head are getting louder, and I don’t want to think about Phoenix and our rehearsals, because then I’ll seriously consider just not going. As tempting as the thought is, it’s not an option.
“Now?” Susannah makes a reluctant grimace; I guess she suspects what this is about.
“You’re done, right?” I point to her empty plate. At least that’s something. “This won’t take long.”
She hesitates briefly, her gaze darting to Katie and then back to me. Katie doesn’t notice a thing; she’s talking to Charlie, her laughter so cheerful and carefree that I can’t help but feel a twinge of envy.
“Please,” I add, with more encouragement in my voice than I actually feel.
She gives in with an annoyed sigh. “Fine, let’s talk.”
“Where are you two going?” Katie turns to look as we get up and grab our trays.
“Lia wants to talk to me about something,” Susannah says with an exaggerated sigh.
Katie frowns. “Okay,” she says slowly. She hesitates briefly, as if she’s wondering if she should come with us, but then turns back to Charlie and Tyler without another word.
“Let’s make it quick, please,” Susannah says with an urgent look and goes to turn in her tray. She wants to get this over with as fast as possible. I follow her, wondering with every step whether this was a good idea. She’ll deny everything anyway, so what am I hoping to achieve?
“So what did you want?” Susannah stops in the hallway, a few feet from the entrance to the dining room. Her expression is now as blank as her voice. Her arms are crossed in front of her chest, already on the defensive before I’ve said a word.
“I wanted . . .” I begin, then have to stop and clear my throat, because my voice isn’t doing what I want it to. “I wanted to know how you’re doing.”
“That’s it? You just want to know how I am?”
I nod.
“Great,” she replies curtly. “Everything’s fine.”
“Really? I mean . . . have you been speaking with someone, about your . . . issue?”
“What issue?” She looks at me as though she really has no idea what I’m talking about.
“Come on, Susannah, you know what I mean,” I say, praying she’ll stop pretending. It’s pretty ironic, I know.
“God, Lia,” Susannah groans. “It’s nothing. I’m fine.”
“So you didn’t do it again?”
“Eat too much and then work out again?” she asks back, rolling her eyes in annoyance. “No, I didn’t.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.”
“Then just spit it out,” she hisses, and I lose my composure for a second.
“Did you throw up on purpose?” I blurt out.
She doesn’t even bat an eyelash. “No, I didn’t,” she says, looking at me so intently that I almost believe her. But I still have that queasy feeling in my stomach.
“Really?”
“Yes, really. You can—” She breaks off, her gaze darting to something, or rather someone, behind me, and when I turn around, I see Katie, who’s looking at us with a mixture of uncertainty and curiosity.