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“Come on, we need to go,” Nasir urges me forward.

I follow him. My feet hurt; they never healed entirely since the fire and the whipping, but I've learned to ignore them, just like all the other aches in my body from sleeping on the ground and getting fucked raw over and over again. To my surprise, Nasir doesn't take the direction of Elign. We walk for about half an hour until we reach a cave.

“Okay, that should do.” He goes inside. “We'll spend the night here.”

“Why?” I ask.

“They might try to catch us when they notice you're gone. Or our people could send you back to show good faith. We can't go back to Elign. Not right now.”

I shake my head, crossing my arms over my chest. “No. Why? Why are you helping me? The negotiation… they could kill you… why risk it for me?” It doesn’t make sense. Being nice to me was one thing, but that? I’m not worth it. Just a liability. A problem. A worthless toy.

Nasir shakes his head. “I couldn’t just leave you there and do nothing. And there’s no negotiation. It was just blackmail and thinly veiled threats with a pretty name anyway. I hope they fail. You know I don’t like violence, but I don’t see any peaceful solution here. We should be fighting the Raiders, not doing their bidding. They’ll just keep demanding more and more from us. It can’t end well.”

That makes more sense. He wants the negotiation to fail, and stealing from the Raiders is a good way to achieve that. That means it’s not me he’s risking his life for. It’s the village. I’m just a means to an end once again, a pawn. Maybe he wants to keep me for himself too. Nasir never struck me as the jealous type, but I could have been wrong. Saving the village from an unacceptable treaty and gaining a nice little fucktoy in the process? Yeah, his behavior doesn’t seem so incomprehensible anymore.

“So, want me to suck your cock to keep you warm, big boy?” I find myself slipping back into my jester persona without meaning to. As much as I despise it, it’s easier than having to face the horrors head-on. And it’s not like he’ll need me anymore once the negotiation fails, but I have nothing. I’m nothing. For the moment, I need him to survive, so I might as well give him what he wants.

Nasir’s eyes widen in shock. Great, he really is disgusted by me. I should have kept my stupid mouth shut.

“I’m sorry, I was so caught up I didn’t even realize… You must be freezing. Here.” He removes his long coat and wraps it around my shoulders.

I blink, taken aback. It’s the first kind touch I’ve felt in forever. He’s being nice to me, like he used to be.

Chapter 3

Nasir Ahmad

I hate to see Reno like this, looking so lost and broken. If it was physical wounds he was dealing with, I’d know how to help, but those look mostly healed. Against the mental ones, I’m helpless. I want to hug him and kiss him better, but I know it would never work. Even the comforting words I usually have for my patients seem ridiculously weak after such a traumatic experience. At least he’s still cracking sex jokes. That has to be a good sign, right?

Who am I kidding? I don’t know. I don’t even know where to go from here. We can’t go back to the village; I don’t want to risk them sending him back. Maybe we could try our luck at another settlement like Ans, Rolys, or even De Laus. But De Laus is so far away, we could easily die on the road. And Ans or Rolys will not want us if they know we’re being hunted by the Raiders. They’re not inside their hunting zone, but they’re not far away enough to be entirely safe either. How are we supposed to survive alone in a cave with no resources? I don’t even know how to light a fire without the proper equipment.

Then again, it’s Reno who can’t go back to the village, not me. They might not welcome me with open arms, but if I avoid being seen, maybe I could talk to Anne. Convince her that after spending months in the ruins with the Raiders, Reno has useful information that we could use to beat them once and for all instead of submitting to their taxes. For this to work, I need to be sure he knows anything useful, though.

“Reno? Did you pick anything about the Raiders while you were there? Anything at all?” I ask softly.

Something resigned passes through his eyes that I’m not sure how to interpret. He shrugs. “Sure. I guess. I could draw you a map of the ruins. I know what Cirail and his lieutenants' habits are like. I know what their weapons are, what resources they have, when they’re most likely to attack scavengers. Not where, though. They never let me outside, so… But yeah, I guess I know a thing or two.”

He proceeds to tell me everything he can think of about the Raiders and the Ruins. It's not just a thing or two; it’s enough to make an actual battle plan against them. I write it all down. Apparently, they can’t make their own bullets, only relying on the ones they steal, unlike us. They might have ferocity and numbers in their favor, but that won't be enough against our trained fighters.

That’s a problem for later. For now, we both need to rest.

“Thank you so much. Let’s try and get some sleep, okay,” I offer. “I know it might be uncomfortable right now, but we should huddle together for warmth.”

“Yeah. Sure. Of course.” Reno shrugs again and curls up on the stony ground.

I lie down behind him and wrap my arm around his chest but immediately remove it when I feel him flinch. “Is something wrong? Are you hurt?”

Reno turns to look at me, his eyes widening. “I’m sorry! I don’t know what happened. I haven’t flinched in so long, but I just… It won’t happen again, I swear! I’m sorry!”

I can feel my heart breaking a little more. I wish I knew how to handle this, but for now the priority is to make sure we survive the night. My clothes, including the coat I gave him, are pretty warm, and the cave protects us from the weather, but the ground is icy cold. As much as I hate it, I’d rather Reno be uncomfortable than having us both risk hypothermia.

“It’s okay, Reno.” I try to sound reassuring. “You’re safe with me. You didn’t do anything wrong. Of course you’re allowed to flinch. After everything you’ve been through… I just want to know if you’re in any pain.”

Reno lets out a mirthless laugh. “Yeah, I am. Nothing new under the sun. You didn’t hurt me, though, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Okay. Yeah.” I nod. “Look, I’m really sorry if physical touch is making you uncomfortable. Really, I am. But I don’t have any other solution right now. We need to conserve heat. But I promise, I won’t do anything inappropriate. You’re safe with me. I would never do anything to hurt you, in any way.”

Reno curls up again without a word. This time, when I wrap my arms around him, he remains eerily still. I make sure not to hold him too tight so he won’t feel trapped, but I can still feel every one of his muscles tensing. I don’t think he trusts me.