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“Come on,” I gasped. “Come on, you fucking idiot.”

His head lolled against my shoulder. I dragged him towards the dock, but the wet clothes pulled at both of us. I could have swum the length of the lake in less time than it took me to get him there. Still, every second felt heavier and longer than the last.

I had pushed him. I had watched him disappear. I had spent five years running away from him, and the first time I finally stopped, I had nearly killed him.

My fingers caught the edge of the dock. I hauled myself up, one elbow over the boards, then shoved Alvin ahead of me. His body slid onto the platform with a heavy, wet thud.

I climbed after him. “Alvin.”

His face was pale, and his eyelashes clung together. Water ran from his hair down his cheeks, making him look younger. Fourteen again. Small and furious and trying not to cry.

I pressed two fingers to his neck. A pulse. There. Too fast, and I didn’t know if I was feeling his or mine.

“Breathe,” I commanded him, and in true Alvin nature, he didn’t listen.

I tilted his head back and pinched his nose. My hands were shaking so badly I nearly missed his mouth. I forced air into his lungs. His chest rose. I pulled away.

“Come on.”

Another breath. His chest lifted.

I pressed my mouth to his. And for one horribly amazing but still horrible moment, it felt like the kiss all over again. Except this time, there was no heat. No anger. No choice. Just panic and lake water and the certainty that I had ruined everything in the worst possible way.

I gave him another breath. And another. Then Alvin coughed.

I jerked back, nearly falling off the dock. He rolled onto his side and coughed twice more. Water spilling from his mouth onto the boards.

Relief hit me so hard it turned into rage. “You absolute fucking⁠—”

Alvin’s shoulders started shaking. I froze. His coughing became a strangled sound. Then he twisted onto his back, looked up at me, and grinned. The bastard fucking grinned.

“See,” he rasped. “I knew you wanted to kiss me again.”

I didn’t understand at first. And then I understood a little too well. “You were faking?” I balked.

He wiped water from his mouth. “I prefer the term… performing.”

“You were fucking faking,” I repeated as if I couldn’t believe it. Except I did. Because it was exactly the type of thing Alvin would do.

“Technically, I was pretending, not faking, at least in the beginning.”

I grabbed the front of his hoodie and hauled him upright. “You could have died.”

“Could have. Didn’t.”

“I am going to kill you.”

“Seems a little hypocritical, considering you were the one who shoved me into the lake.”

“I shoved you because you kissed me!”

“You kissed me back.”

“I did not.”

Alvin’s grin widened. “You absolutely did.”

“I was trying to breathe.”