Page 20 of A Game of Hearts

“And if I cannot find that balance? If I lose control completely?” Nathaniel’s voice roughened. “This afternoon, in the music room...”

“What happened?”

“Nothing. Everything.” Nathaniel ran a hand through his hair. “For a moment, I forgot every rule, every proper consideration. If Lady Beatrice hadn’t come in...”

“You might have kissed her?” James’ voice held no censure. “And would that have been so terrible? A private moment between two people who clearly care for each other?”

“It would have been improper.”

“More improper than denying your feelings until they burst out in some way that you truly cannot control?” James shook his head. “Think about it, brother. And think about this - Miss Everton is nothing like Charlotte. She knows her own mind, and her own heart. Perhaps it’s time you trusted yours as well.”

Before Nathaniel could find words to respond, James squeezed his shoulder once more, then turned as if to leave him alone with his thoughts.

Through the door, Nathaniel could see couples making their way to dinner. He caught a glimpse of dark red hair and pale violet silk – Miss Everton, walking with her aunt.

Even at this distance, something in him responded to her presence. James was right about one thing - he did love her. Heaven help him, but he did. The only question was what he meant to do about it.

“There’s more to the story of Charlotte, isn’t there?” James’ voice pulled Nathaniel from his thoughts. His brother hadn’t left after all, but stood watching him with unusual seriousness.

“You know what happened.”

“I know what everyone knows. That you stopped her from running away with that fortune hunter. But there’s something else, isn’t there? Something that made you take it all so personally?”

Nathaniel stared into his brandy.

“I should have seen it coming. There were signs...”

“Such as?”

“Small things at first. She started meeting him in secret - just for a moment in the garden, she said. Just a brief conversation in the library. Nothing improper.” His laugh held no humour. “Until suddenly it was very improper indeed. Do you know what she said to me, when I caught them about to leave?” James shook his head. “She said that she knew it wasn’t proper, but that she didn’t care. That she would rather have love than propriety.” Nathaniel’s voice roughened. “She had no idea that he didn’t love her at all - that he’d already run through two other women’s fortunes and left them ruined.”

“How did you know?”

“Pure chance. I’d served with someone who knew his history. If I hadn’t...” He broke off. “Charlotte was so innocent. So trusting. She thought that love conquered all - she had no concept of the reality of scandal, of ruin. And I realised then that all of our family’s careful attention to proper behaviour hadn’t actually protected her. It had only made her more vulnerable.”

“So you decided to become the guardian of everyone’s propriety?” James’ voice held understanding rather than censure. “To protect them from themselves?”

“Someone has to maintain standards.”

“But Miss Everton isn’t Charlotte. She’s no naive innocent to be taken in by pretty words and false promises.”

“No.” Nathaniel smiled slightly, remembering Emma’s sharp wit, her clear-eyed understanding of the world. “She sees rather too clearly for that.”

“Exactly. So perhaps it’s time to stop protecting her from imagined dangers and start trusting her judgment? And your own?”

Before Nathaniel could respond, voices in the hall announced the arrival of more guests on their way to dinner.

“Surely he must be here somewhere?” Lady Anne’s voice carried clearly. “Lord Limnwood always seems to seek solitude after any... incident.”

“I’m not certain that we should disturb him.” Lord Radmill’s voice held uncertainty. “After all...”

“Nonsense. He’ll welcome sensible company after this afternoon’s... display.”

Nathaniel saw James’ hands clench.

“Shall I get rid of them for you?”

“No.” Nathaniel straightened his cravat. “I believe it’s time that I stopped hiding in libraries. Though perhaps we might use the other door?”