Page 49 of Queens Will Play

I stared at the wall, looking past him. “Morgaine didn’t have…wait…Mordred was her son.”

“Yes, and when the third court was founded, she was fertile and still considered capable of bearing a royal heir.” Amrey was stuttering over her words, as though afraid I might chop off her head. “I might suggest Your Majesty take the evening to discuss matters with those you can trust.”

I glanced over at Cadence. She looked like she wanted to be anywhere but here. “All right. You’ll do what you have to, but I order all of you—do not discuss this even between yourselves until you can test me tomorrow.”

They all agreed, then turned to file out. I called out to Amrey, “Tomorrow. After breakfast. I’ll meet you at the office of the Royal Healer.”

They filed out. I turned to Morio and Trillian. Smoky entered the room before I could say another word.

“Are you all right? You were in here a long time and—” He stopped, staring at us. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

I started to shake. “Apparently, when your father kidnapped me, he put an end to any chance that I’ll ever have a child. While that idea actually appeals to me, it also means that they can kick me out of office. The queen must bear an heir. I hoped to hang onto the illusion that I wasn’t ready for that step for a while until I could change the policy, but…now…tomorrow my advisors will know that I’m infertile, and that there’s no way to fix it. And they’ll strip away the crown since they already dislike the changes I’m trying to make.”

Smoky slowly sat down. “You mean they can actually take your crown since you can’t bear a child?”

I nodded. “It would have to be Trillian’s child if I did have one, given Svartans are accepted in the Fae community for the most part, unlike Vanzir. His daughter will never be heir to the throne given her mixed blood.”

“I don’t understand. They know you’re part human—would they accept a daughter of yours to the throne?” Smoky looked perplexed. “I thought we dragons had a convoluted sense of legacy and heritage.”

“They’d accept a daughter of mine since I took the Nectar of Life. But the father would have to be full-blooded Fae. I gave them the impression that I was willing, but I never meant to actually have a child. Since I’m young, I thought I’d have years before they started to hound me.”

“Except, if they know for certain…” Morio said.

“Right. If they know for certain, I’m screwed.” I sat back against the headboard. “What am I going to do?”

“Is there any chance that they’re mistaken?” Morio asked.

“There’s always a chance, but I’m not betting on it. The beatings Hyto gave me…” I drifted off, not wanted to retrace my steps down that dark alley.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” Smoky said, looking pained. “I’ll never forgive myself for what happened.”

“He’s long dead, and I’m alive. Hanna’s alive. We survived. There’s nothing we can do to change the past,” I said. “If I have to leave the Barrow, we’re going to have to move. Your Barrow’s lovely,” I added to Smoky, “But it’s not going to work for all of us.”

Smoky nodded. He had his own Barrow out in the country, and it was spacious enough but there wasn’t enough space for all of us and I wasn’t ready to move underground.

“How soon, if they verify that you are sterile, will they dethrone you?” Morio asked.

“I don’t know. Probably sooner than later.” I crossed my legs and tried to think.

“Let me ask you a question,” Trillian said. “You have so many headaches with being the queen, would you be so upset if you no longer had to deal with it?”

I fell silent, staring at my feet. I couldn’t answer.

On one hand, I’d been complaining a lot lately about being bored, about my frustrations over dealing with outmoded traditions, about having to cope with Aeval and Titania.

On the other hand, it would be quite a hit to my ego if they stripped away my crown. And I truly had wanted to bring the Barrows into the modern age.

But could I? Could I actually single-handedly thwart thousands of years of tradition? Because even if the Court of Shadow and Dusk hadn’t been around very long, the Fae Courts were as old as time.

“I honestly don’t know how to answer that. I’ll always be Queen of the Keraastar Diamond, but that’s not tied to the Fae Courts. Which means the knights will also have to find a place to stay if I have to leave. We’re going to have to scramble if the fallout is as bad as my gut tells me it could be. It’s not just us. And there are my maids. I hate the thought of having to say goodbye to them—they’ll have to find new jobs.” I leaned forward, bending to touch my forehead to my knees as I stretched my back.

“I guess there’s nothing to do until we know what’s going on,” Morio said. “We’ll know more tomorrow. You don’t think they’d lie to get you out?”

I shook my head. “The healers take oaths. And it would be easy to prove them wrong. No, they’re not lying. When I think about the amount of damage I took, it doesn’t surprise me. But since I never had a cycle because of the drug, I never noticed anything wrong.”

As we got ready for bed, I both longed for sleep and dreaded it. What had started as a victory for helping out friend had turned into a potential nightmare for me.

I crawled under the covers, deep in thought. I was sterile. I had never wanted to have children, but now that I knew I couldn’t, did that change my feelings? Did I have any regrets?