Page 52 of Yearning Difficulties

‘It’s kind of ocupado in here!’

I screamed and slammed a hand over my heart. ‘Fuck, Bibi.’

Bibi Minola smiled sheepishly up at me from her stretched out position on one of the brown sofas. This one looked decidedly more comfortable, at least.

‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m hiding from my terrifying parents.’

Bibi and Logan’s mother was the mayor of Lake Pristine. Killian’s father was the deputy, but Bibi had to live with the captain of the whole ship. She was a year younger than me and I had always known her to be a little wild and impulsive. I thought now that she and Cherry would be great friends, were they ever to be properly introduced.

‘Hey, you going to the Halloween Ball at the country club?’ Bibi asked out of the blue.

‘Um . . .’ I pressed my back against the study door. I suddenly felt my vision drifting in and out. My blood felt too hot. My legs felt unstable. Halloween was never a fun time for me. Not now that Max was away. ‘I—’

‘There’s a full-on scavenger hunt this year.’

‘I know,’ I said wearily. ‘I announced it on the radio.’

She was barely listening. ‘I want to go but Mum says I can’t unless Logan does. He has to chaperone me everywhere these days.’

I sunk down to my knees and put my head between my legs. Bibi couldn’t see me from her place on the sofa and I was glad about it. I didn’t know how to explain what was happening, let alone why it was happening.

‘Are you really dating Killian Bergery?’

‘Yes,’ I croaked, hoping she wouldn’t need me to expand.

‘But he’s so callous and weird. And you’re so . . .’

Her words faded away and I wasn’t surprised. No one really seemed to know how to describe me.

A sudden knock made me jump and I crawled away from the door. Bibi sat up and was clearly about to call out and tell the person to go away, but they entered before she could utter a sound.

‘Red?’

It was Killian. He looked completely distraught. When he saw me pressed up against the bookshelves, his eyes grew even sadder.

‘Red,’ he sighed. ‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.’

Eighteen

Reprise

Today’s Track: ‘Flowers’ from Hadestown

I suddenly wanted to bawl, so I hardened my face and shrugged dismissively. ‘It’s fine.’

‘It’s not fine.’

Bibi released a whimper of discomfort and leapt into a standing position. ‘Lovers’ quarrel. My cue to leave. I get enough of that when Sterling comes over to yell at my brother for being emotionally unavailable.’

She left us alone.

I glared up at Killian with a ton of cover and substance.

Cover and substance is how I’ve taught myself to survive. The substance, which is whatever I’m truly feeling, is usually unpalatable to people. So I’ve learned how to perfectly cover it.

At that moment, the substance was overwhelmed, shaky and hurt.

But I covered it with disdain.