Page 38 of Yearning Difficulties

‘You’re good at faking.’

‘Very. Should I kiss you?’

‘No, that doesn’t look like we’re hiding it, you plum,’ I hissed. ‘So we have to wait.’

He cleared his throat. ‘God. Okay.’

‘Sorry if that sounds horrendous.’

‘Oh, very, Red. Just awful. But I know that when it comes, I’ll at least be better than Valvert. Especially now we know he doesn’t brush his teeth.’

I rolled my eyes. ‘I’ve kissed other people. Not just Dave.’

‘Oh, really? Do tell.’

‘One other guy.’

‘Not even a name! He must have been something really special.’

He was. I didn’t say so because it sounded silly to have girlish feelings over someone whose name I didn’t know. ‘It was at a Halloween party. The one at the Minolas’, last October.’

He picked at his lunch. ‘We’d just come to town. I never made it to that one.’

‘Chris was there. He watched as my dad dragged me out of that old house. I was grounded and totally not allowed to go but I climbed out the window and went anyway. Eventually, Dad tracked me down.’

‘You weren’t with Dave then?’

‘We were in one of our “off” phases. I drank too much Halloween punch. Made out with a guy in the linen closet.’

I was being deliberately vague. It had been so much more than that. In the dark, someone had actually listened to me. The kiss had been magnetic. But he’d been wearing a mask and it was pitch black, and in the morning I was too embarrassed to remember the things I’d revealed.

Then Dave had apologized for our most recent argument and I’d sleepwalked back into our toxic relationship. I’d been so scared of being alone, the idea of saying I was with someone was worth the drama from our unfitting union.

‘I don’t even know if that guy goes here,’ I said honestly. ‘I would have recognized him by now, I think.’

‘Yeah. Of course.’

There was an awkward moment of silence.

‘Speaking of kissing . . . You’ve kissed your Mystery Girl, you said?’ I finally pointed out.

‘I have.’

‘Good?’

He almost looked like he was in pain. ‘I . . . I wouldn’t be able to describe it.’ He glanced up and met my gaze. ‘I’m not my brother, after all.’

We separated for class not long after. He went to History and I to Philosophy. I was pleasantly surprised to find Cherry waiting upon my arrival.

‘So!’ she said as I sat down next to her. ‘The whole school is talking about you and Kill.’

I faked a grimace. ‘Oh, are they?’

She regarded me for a moment and then cackled with laughter. ‘I don’t know what you two are up to, but I hope it’s fun.’

I spotted something in the corner of her satchel. It looked like a CD, which was unusual. ‘What’s that?’

‘Here!’ she pulled it out. It was a CD. ‘It’s mine!’