Page 31 of Yearning Difficulties

My whole body still felt hot with indignant rage. I’d spent very little time with Sterling in my previous life as Dave’s girlfriend, because she’d found our relationship so offensive and embarrassing. She seemed very happy to have me gone.

But calling into the show and taking advantage of Dave’s absence, all with the hope of humiliating Killian and me was gross even for her. I was tempted to throw down my headphones and find Sterling in person. See if she felt as brave face-to-face.

Priya gave me a rueful smile through the studio glass and I forced myself to calm down.

‘Next caller, you’re on the air,’ I said wearily. ‘No ableist language this time, if you please.’

There was a crackling pause and the barely discernible sound of two people whispering. My heart filled with dread.

‘Caller? Are you there?’

‘Chris Bergery here, wishing to defend the aforementioned person.’

I exhaled in relief. I could picture him smiling as he called. His dimples were probably showing.

‘No need,’ I said. ‘Our last caller was just being rude.’

‘Yes. She was. My twin has made his feelings on that particular word very clear.’

‘Agreed.’

‘And I wish you the best with dating my brother,’ he added, sounding a little distracted. ‘He’s not the easiest.’

‘I know. The whole town knows.’

‘But I hope you guys can find what I have. I mean . . . emotionally. It’s not exactly reciprocated, but that doesn’t make it feel any less real.’

‘That’s nice,’ I said, surprised by the serious turn. I recalled our earlier conversation on the grass and his allusion to being lovesick. ‘You’ve found the real thing?’

There was a pause which, in reality, could only have been a handful of seconds long. But on the radio, silence always stretched out like soft taffy, awkwardly sticking in my teeth.

I suddenly heard a scuffling sound, like Chris had dropped the phone

‘Chris?’ I pressed. ‘You still with us?’

‘I am.’ His voice sounded deeper after that moment of dead air. ‘Ask me your question again.’

Twelve

Balcony

Today’s Track: ‘Ceilings’ by Lizzy McAlpine

‘You’ve found the real thing?’

‘I have.’

He sounded serious; he was obviously emotional about defending Killian. The bond between the twins was subtle but definitely there.

‘Some people might say there’s no such thing.’

I was trying to sound conversational but it came out a little sad.

‘No such thing as love?’ he asked.

I felt faraway. I liked Chris well enough, and I would much rather keep him on the line than deal with another one of Dave’s nasty friends, but the show was supposed to be tame. A station that played a little music, facilitated some school news and occasionally let students call in with opinions. It wasn’t supposed to be existential.

‘Maybe not at our age,’ I clarified.