Page 23 of Yearning Difficulties

I laughed and watched Killian as he eyed his cousin’s bright pink convertible. ‘What’s with the car, Cherry?’ There was a touch of concern in his voice.

‘Well, Dad sent me some blood money to buy one. Said Lake Pristine isn’t like the city. There’s no public transport, apparently,’ Cherry said matter-of-factly. ‘He wanted me to get a boring Prius, brand-new. But I found this girlie in the used car lot. She’s still a hybrid! She’s just pink. And, you know, a little banged about. Like me!’

All three of us looked at the unmissable car. I could already see Lake Pristine residents coming out of their stores to glare at it. ‘Why is it blood money?’

Cherry moved to the passenger seat of her car and grabbed a neon pink backpack. ‘Dad didn’t call or visit at all when I was younger. Now that Mum’s finally in rehab and he has to do the parenting schtick for my last year of high school, he feels guilty.’

‘Cher,’ Killian said stiffly. ‘Filter.’

‘Why?’ Cherry asked, outraged. ‘We’re all autistics here.’

‘No, we are not,’ Killian said flatly. ‘Zee’s allistic, and also, this is a small town. You have to be careful what you shout about.’

Something about his words made me feel exposed.

Cherry was suddenly inches away from my face, making me jump. The other girl drank in every bit of me, almost like a dog catching the scent of another dog.

‘Don’t know what either of you have been told,’ Cherry finally said, with a wicked smirk. ‘But this is no neurotypical. I can always tell.’

‘I am,’ I said, somewhat sheepishly.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘Says who?’

I was about to answer when I realized that no one had said so. But no one had said otherwise either. I’d never been diagnosed with anything. No one had ever come to me with a reason for why I felt different to my peers. They always brushed off my concerns and told me everyone felt that way from time to time.

‘Denial,’ Cherry said, her catlike eyes scanning my face. ‘All good. I can wait.’

At the arcade, Killian and I slid into a booth next to Chris and Anderson – but their attention was clearly caught by Cherry making moves over by the jukebox. The four of us watched as she selected her song and then suddenly started dancing to ‘Hot to Go!’, uncaring of anyone around her.

‘So Cherry’s in town,’ Killian said, unnecessarily. ‘I can’t work out if Lake Pristine is going to eat her alive or if she’s going to burn the whole place down.’

‘Let’s hope it’s the second,’ I said warmly.

‘Enough about our cousin,’ Chris said, finally turning to look at us. ‘What’s going on with you two?’

I stiffened. Although we’d discussed telling his friends, the reality of it was easier said than done.

But I decided to own it. I leaned across Killian and said, ‘We’re pretending to date so your mother realizes that even though my parents are in a completely different tax bracket to her usual seminar students, I’ve actually got a good brain and deserve a shot.’

My frankness made the three of them laugh. I blinked. In my head, it was obviously all very straightforward. But I was used to people laughing at me when I wasn’t trying to be funny.

‘Okay,’ Chris said, eyeing Killian warily. ‘As long as feelings don’t get hurt.’

Killian kicked his twin under the table. Hard. ‘I’m not going to hurt anyone’s feelings.’

‘That’s not—’

‘Don’t worry,’ I interjected. ‘I’ve promised Kill not to catch feelings for him.’

‘Okay,’ Anderson said, his voice pitched far too high. ‘Good. Great. That’s all we have to say about it.’

Killian kicked him, too.

‘Right,’ Chris said, downing the last of his drink. ‘I’m going to take Cherry to Uncle Clyde’s. You three have fun. Talk about medieval shit or something.’

‘First show is tonight,’ Killian called after his brother. ‘Come by.’

‘Oh, Kill,’ Chris said, turning to give his twin a reassuring look. ‘There’s no universe where I wouldn’t come and watch you get lanced in front of a screaming crowd. Never fear.’