Page 100 of Yearning Difficulties

‘Zella? Zella!’

They both froze at the sound of a man calling her name.

‘Fuck,’ she whispered desperately. ‘That’s my dad.’

Killian’s eyes shot open. ‘Your dad!’

‘I snuck out tonight. I wasn’t allowed to come. He’s tracked me down.’

Killian held on to her, unable to let go. ‘Did you stuff things under your duvet to pretend it was a sleeping person?’

When she didn’t respond, he laughed. ‘You actually did!’

‘Shut up,’ she said, but she was laughing too. She kissed him once. Quickly. And he could read the goodbye in it. ‘Gotta go.’

She extracted herself and slipped out of the closet. He instantly followed her, watching as a girl with long red hair disappeared across the landing and down the stairs without looking back. He slipped on the mask and followed her path to the front of the house. He watched as her father walked her to an old Toyota.

‘Had ’em all fooled with the bed-stuffing,’ Seth Blass said happily, as he escorted his daughter to the car. ‘But not me. And so you’re on filing-cabinet duty until Christmas.’

Killian watched as Zella reached her side of the car. He took in her face. She was wearing some fake latex ears, dressed as an elf from Lord of the Rings. It made him smile. She said something to her father and her face crumpled in sadness. He watched Seth’s expression soften.

‘He’s the wrong guy for you, Zee,’ he overheard her father say.

Killian knew they must have been talking about her boyfriend and not him. He didn’t even exist to them really. She hadn’t seen his face. Or even looked back.

Then the car doors were closed and Killian could see her telling her father all about her breakup. And he hated the boyfriend even more. He watched her father shake his head and say something he couldn’t hear. Her fingers drifted to her lips and she suddenly glanced up, as if sensing another presence.

He pulled back into the crowd of people on the porch, hidden from her view.

‘There you are!’ Chris appeared by his side, red-faced and happy. ‘Having fun yet?’

He couldn’t answer but he felt his brother’s intent perusal.

‘Kill! You’ve got lipstick on your face!’

Killian laughed. It was almost giddy. A sound he’d never thought possible from him. ‘Yeah, I do.’

‘Who is she?’

‘Zella Blass.’

‘Zella Blass? Do we know her?’

‘I do. She’s perfect.’

Chris made a surprised sound. ‘What’s she done to you?’

Killian didn’t answer. He just watched the Toyota disappear into the night and thought of laughter in a dark closet and hair that was a beautiful shade of red.

Eleven Months Later

‘Quite the performance today. Both on the radio and in the canteen.’

Killian glanced up at Anderson Lebray. The two of them were browsing the vinyl section in Oregano’s, the only music store in Lake Pristine. Newly opened and run by Anderson’s family.

‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Killian said, lifting up a copy of Heartattack and Vine. ‘Dave Valvert had it coming. He’s been shoving me in the halls for months.’

Anderson gave him a knowing look. ‘Nothing to do with the girl watching you, then? The same girl that hosts the radio show with Dave, the one you’ve spent the past year staring at and bringing up in conversation?’