Page 41 of Golden Ruin

“Well, I guess I have an announcement,” she says. “Dane and I have decided to postpone the wedding.”

“What?”

“No! Why?”

“Wait, seriously?”

Those are our collective responses to Joss’ news as she nods. “It just seemed like the right move. Between baby news and the fire, it felt selfish to expect everyone to put all that aside to focus on the wedding day, so we’re holding off a bit. That way, we can be present for everyone. For whatever you guys need.”

I tear up, feeling guilt hit out of nowhere. “I’m so sorry. Now I feel like I stepped on your toes.”

Joss reaches for my hand when she laughs a little. “Because your house caught on fire, girl? Stop. We love you guys and want to focus on everyone being well. That’s why we made the decision. Not because anyone ‘stepped on our toes’. Besides, the wedding is basically just a formality. Dane and I are already locked in.”

Dez nods. “Agreed. And you two are probably the most thoughtful people I’ve ever met for making such a selfless decision. You’re both amazing.”

Joss waves her off but accepts the hug Dez offers next. “Thanks, girl. Love you.”

“Love you right back,” Dez echoes, and I wipe my tears.

Blue’s eyes are on me again, and I’m not surprised to see tears welling in hers, too. Pregnancy has her crying more often than not.

“I know you don’t want to talk about yourself anymore, but… it kind of feels like we need to. You’ve been through a lot, Lex.”

I nod because she isn’t lying, but talking about it won’t undo what’s been done, what’s been lost.

“Any update on what started the fire?” Jules asks.

Only now does it hit me that I didn’t give them the update, and a sigh leaves me at the thought of explaining.

“It was my sister,” I say. “Jax and I fell asleep, and she also fell asleep. With food on the stove. That was all it took.”

Blue rubs my back, and she’s crying harder now.

“That’s so messed up,” Dez says under her breath, and I reach for a napkin to blot my eyes.

“Yeah, tell me about it.” I stop there, not getting into the part about Amelia not helping me with Jax, knowing the fire was her fault. That’s a whole other set of emotions to unpack on a different day.

“Have you two spoken?”

I shake my head at Joss’ question. “No. And I’m not sure I want to. Not anytime soon, at least.”

She nods. “Take your time. That’s not something small.”

I didn’t realize I needed to hear that until now, someone agreeing that I’m not being a bitch for needing time to process.

“My mom’s been pressing me about coming to Sunday dinner,” I share. “She sends these reminder texts every morning, but I’m just like… why don’t you get it? Why’s it so hard to understand I might not be ready to look the woman in the eyes who just ruined my life?”

They all nod and quietly agree with me as I stare at the table, deep in thought.

“I don’t know, everything’s just so incredibly complicated right now. From the drama with Amelia, finding a place to live, staying here. It just… feels like my mind is always going, like it’s always trying to solve a problem.”

“You’re not comfortable staying here?” Dez asks, and I don’t answer right away, wondering how much I should say.

“It’s just that… when Matt stopped by the other day–”

“Girl, are you crazy?” she cuts in. “You invited your next dude to the home of your ex dude?”

I look around at their faces, and it seems they all agree with her. That I’m crazy for thinking that would work. I guess I kind of knew that, too.