Page 7 of Blaze

Blaze

I turn my phone, the message from Elenor making me second-guess my decision the other day…second-guessing her.

My gut is telling me not to do it, but my head is reminding me that I’ve been there for her most of her life, looking out for her.

Groaning, I drop my phone on my desk and lean back in my chair as I eye the paperwork for the strip club, making me sigh.

The music is blaring, men are cheering, and I can’t fucking concentrate to save my life.

Ever since I brought up the idea of claiming her, no thanks to my sister-in-law putting it in my head, I’ve regretted opening my mouth.

I don’t want forever with her, I don’t have that need to just stick with her, yet I know she deserves more out of this life.

But it isn’t your responsibility, you just feel guilty because she’s in love with you and you don’t love her back, the devil on my shoulder reminds me, and I swallow hard, knowing it is the truth.

I grab my phone and open my text thread with her.

El:

I made my mind up, I want to be your old lady xxx

I hover my thumb over the letters, ready to tell her that it’s best we just keep fucking. I’ll rent her a better place instead of bringing her into club life. At that moment, my door opens and I look up as Crash saunters in, and I raise a brow at him as I put my phone back down and not just because he’s here, but the look in his eyes. He’s up to something, a look I’ve seen several times before he does something stupid.

“You are aware that your girlfriend is going to lose it if she knows you’re here,” I remind him, and he groans, the look he had gone as he takes a seat opposite my desk, slouching down.

“Don’t, she popped into the diner yesterday, and because I was talking to our accountant, she decided to go off. I’ve fucking had enough of it,” he admits, and I tilt my head at him.

“Are you in love with her, brother?” I ask out of curiosity.

He never pursued her, he never even looked at her until she kissed him at a party, something he told her she could never do again because she was underage.

She told him she had feelings for him, and they started talking. After she begged to give a relationship a try against his sister’s wishes, he agreed. He didn’t fuck her until she was eighteen, heck, he didn’t even kiss her after that one time she blindsided him.

She hasn’t been on the back of his bike, she’s never worn his cut or even a hoodie of his. As the years have gone by, he not once has tried to claim her. He only recently admitted to their relationship. I used to think it was because his mom is trying to set him up with some spoiled bitch and he wanted to wait until his she calmed down so she didn’t ruin his relationship. Over the past year though, seeing the shit Belle keeps doing, I’m beginning to think he’s with her out obligation at this point.

Crash sighs, “No, I’m not in love with her,” he swallows, “I love her, and I wanted to claim her because deep down I knew the ‘in’ part would come, or well, that is what my teenage brain convinced me,” he groans, “She is doing too many things I can’t ignore at this point. She fucking stabbed Trick in the hand, blaming him for her issues with Clark. She lied to me about it, she’s been causing shit with any woman that tries to speak to me, I just…”

He shakes his head as he looks down, and I sit forward, and I ask, “When was the last time you spent actual time with her?”

He tilts his head at me and mentions, “Never,” shocking me, “Over the years, she’d come to the diner, and we’d fuck, I’d go to her apartment, but I never stayed. She’s never been to my house behind the club for that reason, only once with Clark. We’ve never even had a date despite me pushing for it thinking it would help my feelings come out. The past few years she’s been so busy, working all the hours we’ve fucked probably three times. The one weekend we were supposed to spend together right as Clark and Trick were trying to work on their marriage, she canceled the last minute and I was relieved.”

“It sounds like she’s just a fuck buddy,” I summarize, and he nods and admits, “It feels like she is, and over the last probably three years she’s been more distant than normal. I just don’t know why.”

“Could it be because you haven’t claimed her?” I ask, and he shrugs.

“Maybe, but I can’t claim her while she keeps fucking up. I mean shit, she told me that my sister was going to run away because at that time she didn’t think she wanted to marry Trick. She expected me to go against my club, my family and keep my mouth shut,” he scoffs, “She told Clark I tapped her phone, she caused my sister to hate me. Then there’s the whole not answering her phone shit when we’ve needed her. Then she ends up throwing a hissy fit when she realizes she’s messed up but blamed everyone else. I don’t want that shit for an old lady and the more she messes up, the more I know I won’t fall madly in love with her like I thought I would or forced myself to try anyway.”

“You want my honest opinion?” I ask him, and he nods. I comment, “I don’t think she was ever meant to be your one,” and he flinches because well, he has been with her for fuck, maybe ten years, but I continue, “You don’t look at her like my brother looks at Alex, or Cage with Drew, Trick with your sister, or fuck Knuckles with Kodi. You look at her with distrust and apprehension to what she’ll say or do next and when you say you’re off to meet with her. You look, I don’t know, I guess pissed that she’s taking time out of your day because she wants a fuck and you won’t go to anyone else.”

“You don’t think I should keep seeing her?” he asks calmly, and I wince.

“Only you can decide that brother, but from an outside point of view, you’re not happy, and honestly, you didn’t seem happy in high school either with her latching onto you. Now, if you believe deep in your heart that she’s your one, then speak to her about the shit she keeps doing. If not, then cut her lose brother, it’s already been what, ten years?”

He nods before he mutters, “I’ll take your words into consideration, thanks, brother…”

I nod, then ask, “Why are you here? It can’t be to talk about Belle,” and he blinks like he forgot his reason for showing up before he sits up straight and the look he had when he walked in here returns, and I narrow my eyes at the fucker.

What is he up to?