Page 146 of The Comedown

“Did he use blackmail on you?”

“He tried.”

My chest feels like the ribs have been airlifted out of my body, and I search the ceiling for any sign of where they went.

“How?”

Where Julian uses his anger to protect his raw vulnerability, I use redirection, avoidance, or even flat-out lies when necessary. Being politically correct isn’t very effective with Julian because he can smell the lie—my lie—a mile away. He has this knack for sensing what I’m not saying.

But I know what happened back then and that’s enough. I’ve never wanted or needed anyone else to know for it to be real. I didn’t need anyone to believe me for what happened that night to ring true. I know what Bodee did. I know what he was willing to do, to have done to me. He proved it by standing outside that room while doing nothing to help me.

Choked silence fills the room until I scratch out the words, “The common currency from pretty young popstars is the popstars themselves.” That’s a belief far too many people in this industry actually buy into, then double down on. “To people like Bodee, everyone has a price, and if a price is too high, he’ll tweak the market himself until it’s not. He creates certain…scenarios to devalue the goods while also adding to his collection.” Bile burns the back of my throat.

Julian bolts upright. “The fuck does that mean? What’d he fucking do?”

I shake my head, trying to dislodge the lump in my throat. If my words earlier felt alien, these are as unfamiliar as if I were attempting to speak a different language for the first time. I haven’t told anybody about what really ended my marriage to Bodee. I’ve chosen to carry this burden alone for almost fourteen years, and now that I’m finally considering sharing, I notice it’s not my ribs missing. It’s the weight from a vile secret being shifted around, loosened for removal.

But just like my true feelings for Julian, I can’t reveal this either. Not entirely.

I can…but I won’t.

“Collette.” Julian’s heavy breathing echoes off the walls.

“He set me up. Bodee put me in a compromising situation that he thought would bring me to heel while also giving him leverage over me. He just didn’t count on me getting myself out it. I did though. I got out, and I’ve never looked back.” That’s all I’m going to say about it.

“That’s not enough. You need to tell me—”

“No. Not now. Not today.”

Julian’s at a point where he feels he can share his dark past with me, which I’m grateful for, but I’m not there, and I don’t know if I ever will be.

“We don’t have a lot of time left,” I tell him, referring to more than just today. “I don’t want to waste it talking about Bodee.”

“You never wanna talk about Bodee.”

I put my index finger in front of my lips again, and give him a sad smirk behind it, saying, “I stay quiet by choice.”

“Why?”

“To protect Holter. I love and respect my son enough not to trash his father in front of his face or anyone else’s. Even if I didn’t, even if I decided to tell the truth about Bodee, it wouldn’t matter. I told you, nobody goes after Bodee Keys and lives to tell the tale.”

Hoisting himself on top of me, he gazes down at me, and says, “You did.”

And just like last time, I confess the ugliest truth of all, saying, “No, I didn’t.”

Pulling his head to mine, I try to forget all about the monster who doesn’t even need to hide under my bed to haunt every facet of my life.

Julian

I tug on the end of Collette’s ponytail as she tries to get by me, making her stop and gasp.

“You better not mess up my hair.”

“Poohbear, look around,” I tell her, my arms out wide. “We’re at the beach.” Why the fuck is she even wearing extensions anyway? She looks fucking incredible with the long blonde ponytail to her ass, but I wanna swim in the warm salt water with her body against mine as we jump the waves. You know, couple shit. The way it stands now, I can’t even get her to go within three feet of the shoreline, and I’ve been fucking trying.

Instead, we’re playing touch football with Holter and Bare…who’s now sitting down, stuffing his face.

“Ayo! What the hell, man?” I yell at my bodyguard, his bald head looking redder by the second from this brutal Texas heat.