Page 45 of Mommy

I nod and look down at Viv one last time.

Brown eyes return my gaze, holding all of my attention before she turns away.

They lead her out, and she doesn’t look back when they load her into the back of their car. And I’m left standing behind the shut glass door, staring after the dog I fell for so much harder than I would’ve thought possible.

She’s gone.

Soft hands land on my shoulders, one large, one small.

Shelly and Liam stand next to me, each wrapping an arm around me.

“Go home.” Shelly says quietly.

“Take the day off and do something for you. We got it from here.” Liam adds softly.

Through the tears still clogging my throat I can do nothing but nod. I will. Because staying here feels like the last thing I can do. The sheer thought of having to clean up Viv’s old kennel and feeding everyone but her dinner makes me wanna bawl all over again. So instead of arguing, I turn to the break room and grab my things. I let Shelly and Liam hug me good bye and promise to be back in the morning for work. And then I step out of the shelter and into the crisp autumn air.

Chapter twenty six

Ivory

The sun is already setting behind the shabby houses of my neighborhood, when I finally step onto the sidewalk that leads up to our driveway.

I’ve spent my day wandering through the city, getting myself a warm cup of tea to go and a chocolate muffin that now lies like a stone in my stomach.

But my heart actually does feel less heavy and I feel myself getting excited to return to the shelter tomorrow.

Viv got out.

She’s safe.

And now, another dog will need all the resources she no longer relies on.

The house is mostly dark as I walk up to it, no lights in the windows except the one in the kitchen. The darkness has me letting my guard down, my thoughts wandering to moments with Viv, happy memories. The lawn is crunchy under my sneakers, frozen blades of grass breaking under the weight of my body.

Only once the door has cracked open, do I realize that there isn’t silence greeting me on the other side.

No, it’s not quiet. And it’s not the TV on full blast either.

My stomach sinks as I do the math in my head.

It’s the first Saturday of the month.

I was so distracted by Derek, I didn’t even realize September had passed and October had begun.

The first Saturday of each month is dedicated to doctors visits in this house. That means that my mother takes her meds. And that means, I’d have to listen to her mistaking me for Ebony while smiling and pretending that I don’t mind it, if I go through this door.

Very slowly, I push the door closed again, carefully letting the lock click into place.

“Not today.” I whisper the words against the wood of the door like an excuse.

Next month. I’ll do it again next month.

I already lost Viv today, I won’t let my heart get hurt more by being home.

My feet have already carried me back down the road when I realize… Viv is gone.

There is no one waiting for me at the shelter. Sure I could go there and sleep in the break room, or snuggle up with the rest of Viv’s pups, but— it wouldn’t be the same.