Page 44 of Mommy

Swallowing the tears in my throat, I get the sling leash over her head.

Noise comes from the hallway behind me, and right before I turn, I hear Shelly’s joyous voice.

“Good morning!” The rustling of clothes tells me she’s greeting Amanda and Dean with handshakes. “You are here for our girl, I see. Why don’t we go to the front and get the paperwork ready? Ivory here will be out with her in a second, I’m sure. Did you already settle on a name? I’m sure you know we called her Viv here but we encourage giving shelter dogs a new name once they move out.”

Steps sound, and their voices drift down the corridor, but I still catch Amanda answering.

Viv will no longer be my Vivid. She’ll be Kaja.

The damn breaks and I feel the first tear run down my cheek, leaving a hot, salty trail for the next to follow.

Burying my face in Viv’s neck, I cry quietly, like I’ve done so many times before.

“You’ll be so happy.” I promise her quietly, the words getting dragged into my sadness by a sob. I only realize that I’m no longer alone, when Viv lets out a low whine.

Rubbing snot and tears into the sleeve of my dark hoodie before turning around, I see Liam standing at the door to the kennel.

Understanding softens his features and I can see my own emotions mirrored in his sad smile.

He gets it. He’s not holding this against me. Because he’s been in my shoes a thousand times.

Every time one of the puppies gets adopted, I see him have a moment with them. At first, I didn’t realize what it was, but now I know. He’s said goodbye to every last one, wishing them farewell. Just like I am doing right now.

Wiping under my eyes with the hem of my sleeve, I stand up.

Viv follows me into the hallway, where Liam greets us. He doesn’t ask anything and instead, his arms wrap around me in a firm embrace.

Holding onto Viv’s leash, I let out a shaky breath against Liam’s chest. He’s not half as big as Derek, and compared to him he feels small in my arms, but he’s still a lot taller than me so my head fits comfortably under his chin.

“I’m ready.” I murmur, hating how broken and raw my voice sounds.

“I know.” Liam says quietly. “And I know it hurts now, really, I get it. But I promise you, it’ll be worth it when you see the next dog get a free kennel when they need it.”

I’m nodding at his words, even when they feel like flames licking on my skin.

The next dog.

My heart refuses to let the thought take root in my mind. It stays glued to the dog that is here now. Unwilling to let go of the bond I built with this dog.

Shelly, Amanda and Dean are waiting in the entrance hall, chatting when I round the corner with Viv in tow.

I’m certain they can tell that I cried. My eyes burn from the tears and I can barely breathe through my nose because it’s so stuffy.

Thankfully none of them say anything, and instead Dean and Amanda busy themselves with Viv next to me. They don’t try to take her leash from me, but they drop to the floor before me, cooing at my girl in soft tones.

Viv wags her tail, happily, waddling over to them and laying down next to Amanda, when she starts to scratch her head. She stops right before she reaches the spot I know Viv really loves.

I’m about to tell her, but bite my tongue.

They’ll find that out themselves. Just like I did.

Forcing a smile onto my lips, I stretch out my arm, putting the leash in Dean’s waiting hand.

His grip is soft but firm.

“We’ll take good care of her.” Amanda says from where she is still on the floor with Viv, looking up at me with a warm smile.

She gets up and takes her husband’s arm.