Page 61 of Love Me Again

And hers, but hers was already broken, so what did it matter?

There was only one way she knew how to make that happen. “Will you drive me back to the cabin?”

He was clearly surprised by the request, but he nodded. They left his room and walked through the house in silence. She held the little beaten-up present in her hand. Clearly he wasn’t lying. It had been wrapped some time ago.

She wanted nothing to do with it. The Boone and Josie they’d been were dead and gone. He’d done that. Killed them. He had ruined everything. She wouldn’t take any blame for him walking away. She had loved him so wholly and whole-heartedly and in that hospital she had told him she’d be by his side, taking care of him no matter what.

Maybe he really believed he’d done a noble thing by walking away. Maybe he truly believed he was following her father’s directive that had been trying to protect her. Maybe he’d spend the rest of his life thinking he’d saved her from that, by letting his family take care of him in the worst of his injuries.

He’d be damn wrong.

It was strange, this feeling brewing inside of her. Anger and pain and certainty. All prickly and sharp and uncomfortable, twining around the soft, gentle insistent love she felt for this man.

And likely always would. If she hadn’t been able to rid herself of it after being left, after spending nearly two years apart, how would she ever?

But she could decide—whether to let the lost little girl who was always left win and just give in. Or to be a stronger version of what she felt on the inside. Stand up for herself. Protect herself.

She couldn’t control loving him, but she got to control what she did with that love. It wouldn’t be the thing that crushed her again.

She didn’t have any more being crushed left in her.

What did she want?

To be safe. It trumped everything. Boone. Molly. Deb. This ranch. This place. None of it was safe, because none of it was hers. Every last one of them could be just another in a long line of people who’d ripped the roots out from under her.

For the first time in her life, her roots were damn well going to be her own. No one would be able to rip them up. No one would twist themselves into them.

Yes, she still loved him, and yes, she believed he still loved her. But if she stayed over that, how long until she was left again? Because love hadn’t stopped him leaving the first time.

Love hadn’t stopped her mother from leaving, her grandmother or father from dying. Love didn’t stop any of the hurts in this life. It only seemed to compound them.

They stepped out onto the Tyler porch, into the dark and the cold. Headlights shone over by the garage, clearly Deb and Micah off to the hospital.

Cora was having her baby, and the house would be distracted enough by a new addition that her slipping away wouldn’t rank.

For a moment, she thought about Boone. Thinking he could have that surgery when everyone was busy and they wouldn’t notice. He didn’t know his family at all.

But you think you can get away?

Yes, because she wasn’t theirs. Maybe Boone would try to reach her. Maybe Molly or Deb would too, but Josie had finally, truly made her decision.

Boone walked with her to the UTV. They climbed into seats in absolute silence. He started the engine and drove across the snowy yard and then pasture. The frigid wind felt like knives against her skin, but it was a good, bracing pain.

The kind that reminded a person their only option to stop the pain was to take control.

Tomorrow, she was leaving. She was doing the leaving this time.

When Boone stopped the UTV in front of the cabin, Josie didn’t immediately get out. She sat, letting the cold settle around her, admiring the sprinkle of bright, dazzling stars above them.

What do you want?

Tonight, she wanted one thing.

One last time, she wanted him.

And when she left him, he’d know it was goodbye. It was over. And she’d know it too. Accept it. That’s what had been missing the past almost two years. A formal, clear-cut goodbye.

She pushed off the UTV, into the cold snowy path leading up to the cabin. He didn’t turn off the engine or move out of the driver’s seat.