Page 60 of Love Me Again

“I even thought about sending it to you last Christmas, but I talked myself out of it.” He shook his head, self-disgust a potent drug, all in all. He wasn’t falling for it this time. He was going with the truth. Honesty. Love. “I tend to talk myself out of showing my heart to anyone. You’re the only one who it was ever easy for me to show that to, and then I’d made this giant mistake, so it felt like I’d ruined everything.”

“You did ruin everything.” She didn’t hesitate to say that, but her voice was rough and her expression pained and her eyes shiny with tears.

In some ways, it was his worst nightmare. Her looking right at him, telling him it was all his fault, even though he’d always known that. But there was also something about facing it that felt more bearable than running away.

Something about her not rushing to make him feel better that made him wonder if they’d both changed, for the better. He wanted to believe they’d grown up—not apart.

“I know you think I can’t fix it. Maybe I can’t. But I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.”

She shook her head, not meeting his gaze anymore. “I don’t want that.”

He didn’t tell her too bad, even though that’s what he wanted to say. “What do you want?”

This question seemed to pierce her harder than the rest. Her eyes filled with tears, though they didn’t fall. She didn’t answer him. He didn’t think she knew how to, and that broke his heart.

“Open it, Jo,” he urged quietly.

“It’s not Christmas,” she replied, her voice scratchy.

“Okay, will you promise me that you’ll open it on Christmas then?”

She looked down at the little present in his hand. “All right,” she said.

It wasn’t quite a promise, but he had to have faith. He had to believe.

CHAPTER 18

Josie felt battered and bruised. Which was normal, all in all. The emotional gauntlet never seemed to end. She was exhausted. Tired of fighting.

What do you want?

She didn’t know anymore. And him asking her, and her having no damn idea, broke something inside of her. Something that had been fragile and tenuous. Hope, maybe.

Her dreams had never been big or grand. She’d wanted to take care of her father, animals, and when she’d been married to Boone, she’d wanted to stay that way and have a family with him.

Now all that was gone. Except the animals thing. Well, even that seemed out of reach without a job. Because she had to leave, which meant whenever she got far enough away, she’d have to take whatever job she could get—animals or no.

What do you want?

For a moment, she allowed herself to be truly honest with herself. If nothing else mattered, what did she want?

The Tyler Ranch.

She loved it here. The place, his family. She loved the man in front of her. The thought of staying or just forgiving him everything and being welcomed into his family was so tempting, she nearly said it right then and there.

I give up. I’m sorry. I forgive you. Let’s forget it all.

But what did that make her? Weak. The kind of person who got left, over and over again. Because maybe he realized he’d made a mistake, but that didn’t mean he wouldn’t make more. What kind of weak-willed, pathetic person did it make her if she just forgave him, over and over again?

That wasn’t what she wanted for her life. To keep being left.

So she couldn’t stay another day. She couldn’t meet the newest Tyler addition. Couldn’t get twisted into the new branches of the Tyler tree.

She had to cut it off now. Not the wishy-washy bullshit of the past week. Say goodbye, learn to stand on her own, so she didn’t have to compound the pain of the last two years with more.

She had to go, and she had to make sure he wouldn’t follow. That no one would.

Which meant she had to break his heart.