Page 89 of Trial and Error

“Since now.”

“Bullshit.” Her laugh is watery. “Give me a reason.”

“Bridget…”

I take a step toward her and she takes a step back. “No, don’t Bridget me. I’m so fucking confused, because this is what you wanted and—” She takes a deep breath. “I’ve done all of this for you, Elias.”

“Well, I never asked you to.”

The look on her face has me regretting the words as soon as they leave my mouth.

“Yes, you did actually,” she scoffs. “Don’t gaslight me.”

“That’s not what I’m doing.” I tilt my head back. “I’m not trying to fight with you⁠—”

“Are you sure?” Bridget snaps, cutting me off. “It feels like it to me.”

“You’re right, maybe I fucking am,” I retort.

She squeezes her eyes shut. “Why?” When her baby blues land on me, they’re filled with unshed tears, and I want to take back everything I’ve said. “What’s brought this on? Is it because of what happened at your parent’s place? Because I’m fine, I was just having a moment but I’m fine now—there’s nothing to worry about.”

I walk toward her. but she holds out her hand. “No, don’t come near me,” she whispers, “Just tell me why you’re doing this—explain it to me.”

“Real couples fight, Bridget, this is what they do,” I say. “Doesn’t it feel weird to you that we’ve never fought? That all of this just fell into place and we haven’t even questioned it? You said yourself that this isn’t how you want it to be for you.”

“Is that what this is all about, what I said when I told you I love you? Elias, I said it doesn’t matter and that I’m happy. You are who I want. Am I not who you want? Is that it?” She looks tired and I hate it.

“No, that’s not it.”

“Then what is it?” she shouts in exasperation. “Do you not feel like we’re a real couple, Elias? What about the things we spoke about before we went to Nelson, and after, about how real this was and how much we love each other? Was that just bullshit?”

“I don’t know!” I throw my hands up. “I don’t know what it is, but this just doesn’t feel right. You should have the fucking fairy tale, baby, and not some fucked-up situation that we’ve found ourselves stuck in. I know you said you made peace with how shit’s turned out, but what if I haven’t? What if you telling me all of that shit opened up this can of worms, and now I don’t even know if this is how I want it to be for me either. Fuck, I don’t even know if this is what love should be, because right now it doesn’t feel like ours—it feels like someone else’s and we’re just along for the ride.”

Her bottom lip wobbles. “Are you saying you’re not in love with me?”

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“No, no,” I backtrack. “That’s not what I’m saying, that’s⁠—”

My feet move before I can stop them, and my heart lurches into my throat when she takes multiple steps back. “No, I heard you perfectly clear.” I watch as she runs a hand down the front of her dress and straightens her back. “I guess it’s my own fault, really, thinking that even though this isn’t how I wanted to do this, I would do it over and over again, if it meant I got to have you.”

“Baby, I⁠—”

“I need to go,” she whispers. “I’m sorry I can’t do this.”

“Please, don’t go. We can fix this.”

Bridget looks up at me with a look of disbelief. “Fix this? This is what you wanted, right? Us fighting? Well, congratulations, Elias, you got what you asked for. But now I need space, because maybe the only thing that doesn’t feel right is us.”

My feet feel like stone, and no matter how much I want to go after her, I can’t seem to find it in me to follow her out of my apartment. The door closes with a slam and a sigh. And like an idiot, I wait and pray that, maybe she’ll come back and we’ll fix it.

I wait for twenty minutes, standing in the middle of the living room when the realization that she’s not coming back hits me, and it’s only then do I move. The hallway is dark and as I reach to look the door, something catches the corner of my eye.

No.

The engagement ring I gave her sits on the console table next to my keys, looking so out of place that the ache in my chest deepens—and suddenly I can’t breathe.