Page 88 of Trial and Error

Mom is sitting on the couch, talking to Bridget’s sister with a happiness on her face, and the thought of that look leaving her face isn’t something I want to see.

From the corner of my eye, I see Bridget leave her conversation with Patrick and duck off toward the bathroom. The uneasy look on her face has me wanting to go after her.

“I’ll be right back,” I mumble as I begin to follow after her.

I wait outside the bathroom a few minutes before I knock on the door and announce my presence. “Hey, it’s me. Can I come in?”

I hear her take a deep breath. “It’s unlocked.”

I open the door and step inside.

Bridget is leaning against the corner with her head tilted back and hands on her hips. I close the door behind me and it’s then that she tilts her head down and I see her red rimmed eyes.

“Baby…” I breathe out and make my way over to her. “What’s going on?”

She shakes her head quickly and says tersely “Nothing, I’m okay.”

“Don’t do that.”

“Don’t do what?”

“Don’t downplay your feelings to protect mine,” I say as I cup her jaw in my hands, resting my forehead against hers. “Now, tell me what’s wrong.”

“I’m feeling a little overwhelmed,” she breathes out, her voice shaky. “It feels so real now and I’m freaking out. Your mom was telling me how excited she was for the wedding, and reminded me it’s only in a few weeks and…”

“It all got too much?” I answer for her, and she nods. “Do you want to go home?”

“No, your mom has put so much work into⁠—”

“Bridget, do you want to go home, yes or no?”

She takes a deep breath and shakes her head. “I’ll be fine.” Her hands rest on my waist and she leans forward presses her lips to mine. “Come on, let’s go spend time with everyone.”

I stay in the bathroom with her as she freshens up and as the two of us head back out to the party, I feel the most uneasy I’ve ever felt.

The rest of the party goes by in a blur, Bridget all smiles and warm embraces, but not me. I couldn’t get the sight of her in the bathroom out of my head, and the conversation we had at her place the day before has been playing in a loop in my head.

I feel like I’m grieving the life I thought I would’ve had—grieving the way I pictured falling in love and meeting the love of my life.

She wants more—more than what I’m giving her and she deserves the kind of love she imagined. It feels like the rose-coloured glasses are off and I can finally see how…wrong this is. This shouldn’t be how it is for us and I sure as hell shouldn’t be enabling this. This whole thing has been because of me, for me.

How much of her happiness and wishes has she sacrificed in order to make me happy? How many times has she felt overwhelmed and I’ve had no clue? The thought alone makes me sick to my stomach. Oscar was right, we needed to talk and the sooner the better.

I turn my head to look at her from the driver’s seat and I find myself frowning. She’s looking down at her hand, twisting her ring around her finger. I watch as she takes a deep breath and reaches across and places her hand on my thigh and gives it a squeeze. Bridget doesn’t look at me as she rubs her thumb over the fabric of my pants, and I see her relax in her seat at the contact.

When we arrive at my place, she follows me with her hand laced with my own, and I wait until we’re in my living room and she’s facing away from me until I speak.

“I don’t think we should do this.”

Her movements falter, but she turns to look at me with a confused frown. “What?”

I swallow my nerves, because it was a hell of a lot easier to say it when she wasn’t looking at me. “We shouldn’t do this anymore.”

Bridget pulls her bottom lip into her mouth as she frowns. “Elias, why—” Her voice cracks, “Why would you say that?”

I run my hand through my hair. “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

“Since when?”