Page 8 of And It’s Still You

“Isn’t that what it means when you take something that’s not given? What? You didn’t think I’d catch on or something?”

Onyx harshly exhaled. “It wasn’t even like that.”

“Then what was it like? You of all people know how I am when it comes to my business. I track every single thing. What I do for you and others is purely out the kindness of my heart. I don’t want to see people overdose from the shit you push, so I thought supplying the pills to prevent that would be my way of giving back. Why take advantage of it? Are you still mad about me getting out of JMG?”

“Go on somewhere with that shit, O’Shea. I was never mad, just disappointed that you allowed a woman who left you to deter you from yo’ path. Don’t get me wrong. I love Moya like she’s my own, but she reminds me so much of yo’ mother.”

My eyes lowered to slits as I glared at Onyx. He could talk like he wasn’t upset with me getting out JMG, but his actions spoke otherwise. It took me almost two years to fully remove myself, and even then, he somehow found a way to keep me roped up in it.

The day I approached him about getting out and opening my pharmacy, it was as if I’d told him to go to hell and fuck the devil or something. We argued for hours about it, but I wasn’t backing down. The losses I’d taken because of it were detrimental to my life. I couldn’t afford to lose anything else, especially when I’d lost the most valuable person to me. Days passed before Onyx realized how serious I was. That was when he came to me with an ultimatum, one that I couldn’t deny because I thought it would be in the best interest of the people I once served.

While it was, Onyx was taking advantage of it.

I waved him off and rose to my feet. “You owe me thirty bands by the end of the week. Don’t make me come looking for you to get it either.”

“Oh, it’s like that?” Onyx stood up fast, almost knocking his chair over in the process as he rounded his desk to get in my face. We stood eye to eye, toe to toe. His nostrils flared as he stepped closer to me, centimeters away from our noses touching. “You don’t think you’re the one who owes me? I’m the one who had to step back in and take charge because you wanted to be a pussy and step away from the life I made for you. You got soft on me, O’Shea.”

“See, that’s where we’re different. You let the power and money get your dick hard while I prefer for my woman to do that for me. Because of JMG, I don’t have her anymore. I’d be stupid to stay in something that can take the most important things in my life away. Being a bitter old nigga doesn’t look good on you, Onyx. Let that shit go and pay me what you owe. Next time you try to pull some shit like that, I’m going to forget you’re my father. Thirty bands.”

I looked him up and down, then walked away. He didn’t bother trying to stop me because he knew I was right. Onyx loved to act like he wasn’t fucked up behind my mother leaving him, but I saw the change in him when it happened. I had a feeling that was why he was the way he was, the reason he pushed me so hard to be like him. He could fool everyone else in the word but me.

“Ma? Where you at?” I yelled as I entered her home and took off my shoes.

The sound of low music playing guided me toward her sitting room, where I found her sitting on her brown sectional. She was surrounded by a bunch of photo albums which meant she was going down memory lane. It was something she did at least two or three times a year, and somehow, I was at her house every time. Each time, she told me a new story, and I told it to Ocean. Whatever family history I had knowledge of, so did he. All of me was part of him.

“Hey, O’Shea.” Mama spoke without looking up. “I was wondering when you would get here.”

“My bad I’m late. I had to go holla at your ex-husband ’bout something.”

Mama pursed her lips together and swayed her head from side to side. “Mmm. What did he do now?”

“What makes you think he did something?”

“Because he’s always got his hand in something, especially when it doesn’t concern him. Do you know he had the nerve to text me today?”

I chuckled and set her flowers in her lap before plopping down next to her. “What did he say?”

“That he was thinking of me and praying for me. If he doesn’t go on somewhere with that bullshit. I don’t want any of his prayers because I don’t know where they’re going.”

“Mama.” I flung my head back and released a hearty laugh. She was serious which made it even funnier.

“What? I’m just being honest. When it comes to Onyx Collier, I don’t want or need anything from him.”

“I get it.”

Angela Matthews had always been a strong, independent woman. Even when she and Onyx were married, she never hesitated to let him know that she was more than capable and able of doing whatever she needed. I admired that about her and understood what Onyx meant when he said that Moya reminded him of my mama. It was one reason they got along so well.

Mama tossed her straight black-and-white hair over her shoulders and set one of the albums between us. She pointed to a picture of me and my sisters when we were younger. A smile crept up on my face.

“I can remember that day like it was yesterday,” I informed her.

“Me too. It was the day I bought my house after the divorce. Y’all were so happy for me.”

“We may have been young, but we peeped game when it came to you and Onyx. You were miserable, so to see you happy and smiling again was rewarding to all of us.”

“You were the happiest. Your sisters have always been daddy’s girls, so they weren’t as joyful about it as you. Look at that smile on your face.” Mama turned to me and playfully tugged at my chin hairs. “I don’t see that smile as often anymore.”

“That’s only because I’m older now, Mama. Don’t be trying to read too deeply into it.”