Page 52 of And It’s Still You

MOYA COLLIER

One week.

Seven days.

One hundred and sixty-eight hours and counting.

Shea hadn’t woken up. He was still deep in his coma, and I was trying my hardest not to worry. The way I’d constantly been praying for him to wake up almost felt insane, but God was the only person I needed to go to. I could talk to family and friends about it, but they weren’t able to do what God could do. Plus, they were hurting just as I was. I hated it for all of us, especially Ocean.

Trying to explain to him why Shea hadn’t been home was absolutely heartbreaking. I didn’t want to give him the full details, or it would’ve hurt him worse. Every day, he cried for his father. Ocean wasn’t used to not seeing Shea, especially for an extended period. Even when it was my days or weeks with Ocean, Shea made it a point to see him. He’d go eat lunch with him or pick him up from school. He never missed a beat, so I knew it was tough on Ocean.

I refused to let him come to the hospital. The last thing I wanted was for him to see his father in basically a vegetative state. I did allow him to call and talk to Shea. The one thing giving us all hope was the fact that Shea’s brain was active. They tested it, and it was most active when one of us was talking to him, which was a good sign. Whenever we were alone, I’d lie in the bed beside him and just talk.

I’d encourage him to get better and come back to us.

I’d talk about what the future held for us.

I’d keep him updated on everything going on.

For hours, I’d run my mouth, praying he was grasping it all.

He had to.

Our family was growing.

Us reconnecting in the bedroom had caught up to us. The night everything went down, and I threw up walking into the hospital, I knew something was off. I wasn’t the type of person to just puke from a smell. I’d noticed the symptoms about a week before, but I was in denial. I didn’t want to believe that Shea and I had slipped up.

Three days ago, when one of the nurses came in to check Shea’s vitals, I asked her for a pregnancy test. Sure enough, it came back positive. I was still early on, almost six weeks, so I hadn’t told anyone. With me being older and under stress, I wanted to wait until I was at the safe mark to tell anyone. Even then, Shea would be the first person to know. It wouldn’t feel right telling anyone before him.

Being pregnant again scared me, but there wasn’t anything I could do but embrace it. Our child was made from love, no doubt. If the circumstances were different, I probably would’ve felt some type of way about it.

The sound of light taps on the door caught my attention. Shortly after, Onyx walked in, looking better than he had in days. He offered me a small smile as he came over and embraced me. I hated that it took Shea getting hurt for us to reconcile our differences, but the soft side of Onyx was enjoyable. We hadn’t spoken much on why he didn’t like me before, but since we had nothing but time, I wanted to address it.

“How are you, Moya?” Onyx questioned, taking a seat beside me.

“I’m making it. How are you?”

“The same, honestly. Have they given you any updates?”

“Not this morning. All they said was that his vitals looked good and for us to keep praying and waiting.” I expelled an exasperated sigh. “I’m so tired of waiting, Onyx. I need him to come back to us.”

“Me too. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, even harder than my parents’ death. I think it’s because I feel so guilty. All I want to do is apologize to him, let him know I take full blame for everything and won’t ever put anything before him or his sisters again. I hope it’s not too late.”

“It’s never too late to fix anything, especially not with the man you raised. We both know that Shea is forgiving. Despite your differences, he loves you. Do you think he would’ve shown up if he didn’t? He said he wouldn’t have been able to forgive himself if anything happened to you.”

“Ironic, huh?” He sunk deeper into his seat and trailed his hands down his face. “I know he’s going to come out of it. It’s just a matter of when.”

“Exactly. The waiting is the hard part.”

“It is.”

Onyx and I were silent for a few minutes. Both our attention was on the rise and fall of Shea’s chest. I turned in my seat to look at Onyx.

Without looking at me, he asked, “What’s on yo’ mind, Moya?”

“What’s been your beef with me all these years? I mean, I can understand you being upset with me for divorcing Shea, but even before then, you didn’t like me. What did I do to you?”

“It was a me problem. It was never you.”