Page 7 of The Tourist

She frowned atme. “What’s that look? You’re in a strange mood tonight, aren’tyou? Something’s off, anyway.”

“I’m the sameas always.”

“Hm.” She huffed out a breath and sipped at her beer. “Youknow, he asked lots of stuff about you when you first asked himout. I hadn’t heard him go on about anyone like that for months. Hewas really keen. I mean, he isreally keen.”

“It’s fine.We’re fine.” I sipped the beer but still didn’t really enjoy thetaste. Pity, because its advertising insisted it was a premierbrand. “We don’t need all that soul-searching stuff.”

She rolled hereyes. I knew she wanted everyone to be as happy as she and Jerrywere. He lost his job last year and had only just started at a newplace, but things were going well. Marianne worked fucking hard tokeep things afloat for them while he found his way again; shedeserved good luck in love.

And what did Ideserve? A bead of sweat tickled between my shoulder blades. Icould imagine it sliding down my spine, slow and warm, raisinggoose bumps on my flesh. I shifted my chair away from the table,wanting to turn around and look over to the bar. I thought I heardRicky’s laugh, but I couldn’t have sworn to it. Calder’s friendscame back, passing our table on the way to grab one for themselves,but Calder wasn’t with them. He was still at the bar.

“Why do you do that?” Marianne’s sharp-edged voice broke through mythoughts.

“Huh?”

“Alwayspretending you don’t care. That things don’t matter. We were reallyglad you got together, you know. He’s been good for you, Dan. Andyou’re good for him, too.”

I grimaced andlooked down at my beer as if it were suddenly the most interestingthing on the planet. “I’m not really in the same league, though, amI?”

When I lookedback up, her mouth had set in a grim line. “He’s dating you. Helikes you. Why’s that so hard for you to take?”

I reallydidn’t know the answer to that one, having asked it myself earlierand got no better response. “Just leave it, please. He knows whatI’m like.”

Her eyesopened wider. “You know, that’s true. I think he does. He’s a smartguy. But that’s not the way youthink you are.”

“Marianne,please.” I half twisted on my seat, trying to look for Ricky,trying to resist looking. Fuck. What a mess. “I’m not foolingmyself. Ricky’s fucking hot. I know what people think when they seeus together. They think, there’s the cute guy and the otherone.”

“And so… whatare you really saying?” Marianne was relentless. Jerry had turnedback to us by now, his expression amused.

“He couldhave anyone.” I felt and sounded mulish.

“You meanlike Calder?” Jerry broke in.

Maybe he wasbeing mischievous tonight or maybe he’d always been that blunt. Icouldn’t answer, either way. The air in the bar suddenly seemedvery thin, the voices around us fading into a dull, aching thud ofsound.

“You reallythink you can’t compete.” Marianne shook her head. “God, you’rebeyond help sometimes.”

Jerry leantacross her and tapped my beer bottle with his. “Get your head outof your arse, Dan. Sounds like you don’t know a good thing whenyou’ve got it. Didn’t we tell you how relieved we were when theysplit up? When you started dating Ricky instead? Calder’s history…well, it’s weird. The guy was an arrogant prick. Stillis.”

“A controlfreak,” Marianne murmured. She looked worried, her gaze flickeringover to Jerry then back again. “There were those rumours about him,Dan…”

But I wasn’tlistening. The suspense had got too much for me and I swung aroundon my chair to look across the room. At just the same time, Rickyappeared in front of me. There was a flurry of activity behind him,a group at one of the other tables getting up to go, grabbingjackets, calling to each other, laughing. By the time they’d goneand I could see the bar again, there was no sign ofCalder.

“Hey, guys.”Ricky glanced around the whole table but his smile settled on me.“Matty let me off early, he’s got Pete and one of the casualworkers helping out tonight. And I put in those extra hours thismorning.”

“You wantanother round of beers?” Jerry sounded eager, then winced. Lookedlike Marianne had kicked him under the table. I hid my smile. Theywere good friends to me.

“You get offhome,” she said, waving at the pair of us. “We’ll catch up with youlater.”

Ricky seemedkeen to get going, grabbing my arm, picking up my leather jacketfor me. We gave hasty goodbyes to the group and made our wayoutside. I instinctively knew I lived and worked near enough thebar to walk there. But right now, tonight, I realised I wasn’t surewhere I was going. There were still a lot of people about and Ihesitated for a moment on the sidewalk. Not everything was clear inmy memories. It was often that way, depending on what else wasgoing on in a guy’s head while I was there. Visiting.

“Back tomine?” Ricky looked hopeful. “We can walk back this way in themorning, in time for your work. Okay?” His eyes met mine, open andquestioning. “I’d like that.”

I stared backat him and nodded, slowly. The move from the stuffy, warm bar outinto the cooler night air had lifted a flush on his cheeks. Hishair was tousled after a busy day’s work and a lock of it had blownacross his face, sticking to the corner of his mouth. He pushed itaway impatiently, smiling at me. He was like drinking water after adrought; like stepping out of the wind into a warm room. I’d neverfelt so fucking fine, just being beside him.

“Good.” He laughed. “I need a shower and soon. I didn’t bother using Matty’stonight. I wanted to get out of there, quickly as Icould.”

“Why’sthat?”