Page 6 of The Tourist

And then…well, one day, it didn’t. Call it an accident of birth, but my timeon solid earth turned out to be a really bad one to desire menrather than women. Hadn’t always been the case in Queen Victoria’srule—and I’d never known any other monarch since I was born—but Isoon learnt the years could show one rule for your bedroom, anotherfor the public bar. London street gossip talked about new laws, newsentences. Seemed that the fun men had in discreet company couldnow earn ’em years of hard labour. Didn’t stop thewanting it, of course,but it made a lot of ’em fight the need that much harder—and anyoneoffering temptation was likely to take a drubbing.

One Saturdaynight a group of beer-brave bastards stumbled on me around the backof my local Fulham pub, where I was on my knees to a rather shyyoung man, savouring the taste of something other than ale. Hepulled himself out of my mouth and ran like the bloody blazes, buteven before I’d scrambled to my feet, the gang grabbed ahold ofme.

I knew acouple of their faces from the area—and their voices by theirLondon accent—though the grim expression they all wore made ’emlook like a bunch of gnarled apples fallen from the same tree. I’dhave laughed in other circumstances. They accused me of a wholelist of misdemeanours, from pick-pocketing to chicken-stealing, allof which—of course—paled into insignificance against the buggery.They grunted stupid words like “justice for perverts” and “give thesod what he deserves.” Didn’t even count in my favour, that the shyyoung man and I had never actually got around to proper buggery.Nor did the fact I’d sucked off a couple of this gang behind thestorage shed just the previous month. I tried to run but, for once,neither my speed nor my wheedling offered any escape.

There were toomany of ’em.

Yeah. Like Isaid, death was the same, whatever the age you lived, right? Ididn’t dwell on the whole disgusting memory. For me, life had beenthere to take advantage of, and then… it wasn’t.Happens.

I didn’tregret a minute of my earthbound life, understand that. I knew whatI was like and I knew whatI liked. Didn’t want to die, of course, but I knewI’d lived exactly as I pleased. And yeah, I struggled at the end,tried to escape, tried to bite the bastard who grabbed my hands,tried to kick the one who slipped the noose over my neck. Maybethat was what saved me, if you called this salvation. Becauseinstead of waking up as a corpse at some version of the pearlygates—depending on whether you think the great man upstairs caresfor sodomites or not—I found myself somewhere and nowhere. Neitherone nor t’other. Out of the loop, to use the current vernacular.But somewhere in between alive and dead, and able to move aroundthe human race quite freely.

And that washow and where I stayed. I learned to jump, more by luck thanintention and, okay, I was still perfecting that. I jumped intoguys and looked through their eyes, touched with their hands, spokewith their voices. I learned languages, both colloquial and foreignto me, and social habits I never had access to as a boy or in myshort-lived adulthood. It gave me an education and a life of sorts.It was exciting and so unpredictable! There was always something—orsomeone—new.

But theimportant thing was, I moved on. Often and quickly. Don’t get mewrong, I liked the men I found, appreciated the sex I had, did whatI could to pay my way. But I left before those issues of constancy,truth, reliability—love—could take hold. Bugger it, I wasn’t in the market for that.Too much hassle. And no one ever knew I’d been there. To be honest,I wasn’t even sure I couldstay around longer. But I’d never really felt theneed to try.

I wasn’t acomplete bloody parasite, though. Most times I could find a way toimprove a guy’s sex life. It was like my calling card, my gift tomy hosts. The level of ignorance in the world was bloody shocking,in my opinion, and when they added love to the mix, it just stirredup a whole Pandora’s Box of inhibitions and tangled, emotionalexpectations. Well, that was myexperience. Of course, I couldn’t make anyone door say something that wasn’t theirs to start with—that theywouldn’t have done or said themselves, given other circumstances.But I could surely encourage it out of ’em.

Just took moreeffort with some than with others.

Dan waslooking for his coat, getting ready to go to work. This was thetime I’d normally go, of course. The sex had been fabulous, andhe’d certainly enjoyed those dominant feelings I’d coaxed out fromhim. So had the luscious Ricky. But there wasn’t going to be anymore of that for many hours, and I’d never been interested indropping in on a guy’s work. Had never done much of that in mylife, unless I was on the prowl for sundry pocket-pickings, and Iwasn’t keen on starting now.

But I wasstill there, hanging on in there. Had no idea why. I mean, his bodywas a fine specimen. I liked being there, feeling his strength,enjoying the confidence that he really didn’t let loose oftenenough. So maybe I needed a rest. Maybe that last jump had takenmore out of me than I thought. Or I was just intrigued to find outmore about the pair of ’em, the steady Dan and the apparently flakybut gorgeous Ricky. Eager for some more of that hot, vibrantsex.

It wasn’tbecause I was developing a taste for something more like company.Care. Love. Notbecause I was lonely or anything.

No bloodyway.

CHAPTER 4

I stared atthe beer in front of me and wondered why the hell it tasted so poortonight.

“Dan?”Marianne leant over and tapped me on the arm. “For God’s sake. Didyou hear a word I said?”

I stared ather. She knew the answer to that one already, of course.“Sorry.”

She wrinkledher nose at me. “You okay?” Her blue eyes were bright, her bobbedblond hair making her look even younger than her twenty-four years.At the table, sitting on her other side, her boyfriend Jerry wasturned away from us, in the middle of a heated debate with someother guys from his office I’d forgotten the names of. Assuming I’dlistened to the introductions in the first place. Marianne was afriend of my sister’s, and she’d been the one to look out someflats for me when I first decided to move here. And then sheintroduced me to Jerry, and invited me down to their local bar,Matty’s. The rest, as they say…

“Dan?”

“I’mfine.”

She lookedunconvinced. “What’s going on with you and Ricky?” She glanced overto the bar then back to me. “Come on, Dan, you can tell me ifthere’s any problem. Maybe I can help.”

I smiled ather, because it wasn’t just nosiness, she really did mean well.“It’s fine. Well, as far as it goes. It’s no big deal.”

She gave methat “no bullshit, please” look. “It is for you, big guy. You’resmitten.”

I laughed.“That’s such a girl’s phrase. It’s just a casual thing.” Out of thecorner of my eye, I thought I could see Ricky turning to look ourway. Perhaps he heard me laugh. He was behind the bar and it wasnear the end of the evening. Not a lot to do then, except clearaway and then he’d be free to come over and join us. Joinme.

The door tothe bar swung open then closed again. A small group of young menwalked over to the bar, laughing too loudly. Smart clothes,confident voices, purposeful strides. The bar was small but trendy,well placed to attract the smart young professionals of Chelsea,while still being based in the less glamorous area of Fulham wherewe all lived. One of the new arrivals leant on the counter andcalled over to Ricky. Tall, well-groomed, sexy in that way malearrogance has.

It was Calder.The ex-lover. The knowledge was sudden and sharp, jealousy andanger spiking in my gut. And something else—something with a keeneredge of warning. There’s danger!What was that about? I couldn’t make sense of it,not with all the angst churning about in my host’sbelly.

Ricky walkedover and started talking to him. It looked like more words thanwere needed to take an order for a few beers. Calder nodded andreplied. Ricky frowned but his gaze stayed on Calder. Was hedeliberately trying not to look over? To catch my eye? To have toexplain what was going on over there?

“He reallylikes you.” Marianne was talking to me again and I didn’t have theheart to ignore her. I reluctantly turned my back on the bar, mychest tight, my mind still disturbed. “He said so. Ricky saidso.”

I raised myeyebrows.