Page 46 of The Rancher’s One and Only

“It’s not. It’s that I like you.”

“How can that be a barrier to having sex with someone? Shouldn’t you like someone that you’re going to have sex with?”

“No. That’s the thing. I like you, and a lot of the time I don’t especially like myself. A lot of the time, I feel like… Yeah, I’ve done a lot of good things. I’ve improved myself through martial arts. I’ve kept my friendships, and I’m proud of that. But the reality is, that I’m not a great bet for a woman like you.”

“I’m telling you that I just want sex. I’m telling you that I don’t want a relationship. And I feel like…”

“I feel like I don’t want to take advantage of you. Because of everything that you told me. Because you’re sweet, and you’re inexperienced, and I don’t… This thing between us, it’s real. I’m experiencing it too. I can’t explain all the reasons I’m drawn to you. Because yes, you’re pretty, but it’s more than that. I’ve genuinely enjoyed spending time in your company. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever met. But that’s what makes me hesitate. Because historically, the men in my family break sweet, beautiful things. And you are a sweet, beautiful thing.”

She felt genuinely, absolutely flattered by that. It was a lovely thing for him to say. And it was quite frankly the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her. But she didn’t want to be treated gently. She looked at his eyes, and she saw that he was genuinely tortured. “Is it because I told you about Gavin? Because I didn’t want to have sex with him. And I knew that. I don’t need to be treated gently just because someone tried to take advantage of me. I’m being very clear now about what I want. I was scared back then that I didn’t do a good job of communicating. That somehow it was my fault that he thought I wanted sex. It’s not, though. And that doesn’t have anything to do with this.”

“No. Of course not. But…” He took her hand and set her down on the couch. And there was something so sweet and chivalrous about the gesture. “Why do you want to do this?”

“Because I’m a twenty-eight-year-old virgin and it’s weird. It’s weird to be a twenty-eight-year-old virgin, and I’m tired of it. I want to be…not that. I want to know what it’s like. What this is like. I want to feel this. All of it. Because I’ve never felt anything like it before. I’ve seen handsome men, and I’ve read about attractive men in books. I’ve noticed that men in movies are attractive, but it’s nothing like this. Nothing like this real, visceral feeling that I have when I look at you. And I do trust you.” She took a deep breath. “You might not think all the years of martial arts mean something, or like it doesn’t make you good enough or whatever, but I see a man who would never hurt me. You would never hurt anyone. Unless you were being paid to do it.”

He smiled, and reached out and cupped her face, and the feeling spread through her with such intense warmth.

She was floating, almost, just from that simple hand on her cheek.

“What are the rules?” he said.

“Are you going to do it?”

“If we can get clear on the rules. Because I think you need those. Feel safe. Feel protected. And that’s my number-one rule. Everything that I do needs to feel safe for you. And it needs to feel good for you.”

“It will.”

“I need to know what you like.”

“I don’t know what I like. That’s my need to teach me everything. And I need to experiment with things. I need… That’s science, by the way. You have to try to replicate things repeatedly under the same conditions and see if you get the same results. You have to actually experiment. This is science. It’s sex for science.”

“The problem,” he said, tucking her hair behind her ear, which made her shiver, “with that, is that sex is more than science. It might be biology, but it’s also chemistry. And then there are things that you can’t define quite so readily. And that’s the part that might be tricky. You might not be able to think your way around it.”

She let out a slow breath. “I don’t want to. I want to do it. I want to feel it. And I think you’re the exact right person for that.”

He nodded slowly. “All right. Parameters.”

She searched her brain, trying to think of any. She didn’t think he seemed like the kind of person who was into hard-core kink-type stuff, and he probably would’ve said that if so. So she didn’t see the point in bringing any of that up unnecessarily. And as for the more vanilla sort of things, well, she was open to seeing which other things she might like. She was open to spicier things, if she were honest.

In theory, she was quite adventurous.

In theory.

After all, she had traveled the world. She had left home at a really young age. She’d done all kinds of things. But she also lived a lot in her head. The tapestry of depth and thought was all up there. And she felt like there was a chance for something real, something new and vibrant between him. Something in the real world. She wanted that. She craved that. The experience of something purely physical.

“What if I told you that I want to try everything.”

“Everything?” He was looking at her skeptically.

“Within reason. Are you secretly really into latex?”

“No.”

“I think we’re okay then.”

“I hope so.”

He leaned in, and kissed her. Slow and deliberate. This time, he parted her lips with his tongue, sliding it against hers. Oh. She shivered. Deep desire and need flooded her body. She suddenly felt desperate with it.