Page 50 of You’re So Vein

My friends watch my reaction.

“Well, he has terrible proposals in common with Mr Darcy.” Mina pretends to swoon.

“I bet he’d look good climbing out of the water in a wet shirt,” adds Maisie.

“They’re not the same,” I scoff. “Darcy has brooding passion simmering under the surface. Augustin has all the emotional intelligence of a village by-law.”

“Awww, look, he’s even listed his expectations in a prospective partner. ‘Must tolerate honest criticism delivered without cushioning. Must not rearrange my bookshelves.’ ”

“That one I can relate to.” Mina feeds the raven perched on her shoulder a piece of naan. “What else does it—what?”

She snaps her mouth shut as Celeste elbows her in the arm. I notice that all my friends have stopped laughing, and they’re all looking at a point over my shoulder.

No.

Oh, no.

Dread settles in my stomach as I turn to see Augustin standing behind me, a foil parcel of garlic naan in his hands for some reason. His features are frozen in an expression of calm resignation.

How much has he heard?

Why do I care how much he’s heard?

The stiffness in his body and the cold amber of his eyes suggest he’s heard everything. And that makes me want to leap up and wrap my arms around him and apologise. Which is ridiculous. That would be what I’d do if Augustin’s proposal was serious and I felt anything about it other than disgust. Which I don’t.

Instead, I settle for a familiar reaction to anything Augustin does – indignation.

“What is this?” I stand, taking his resume off Isis.

He frowns. “It’s what it looks like. It’s my marriage resume.”

Don’t do that. Don’t say that in your robot voice like you’re telling the truth.

“Did you think this was funny?” I wave the papers in his face. “This is my cultural tradition you’re besmirching. It means the world to my father. I know you hate me but I thought you respected Papa.”

“I do respect him. That’s why I—”

“And what even is this nonsense you wrote?” My voice has gone all high-pitched and odd. I’m aware of every eye in the restaurant looking at us, but I can’t seem to make myself stop. “A marriage resume is supposed to be about what you bring to the relationship. Your inability to flirt doesn’t count. You’re supposed to talk about why you want to marry me. It’s not a platform to list my faults, if I even have faults, which I don’t.”

His jaw clenches. “I wrote the truth.”

“No, you wrote a Pride and Prejudice fan fiction. The truth would be that you don’t think you can win against me fairly, so you’re resorting to mocking my family and our traditions to scare me off.”

“So your answer is no, then?”

I tear his resume in half, and a few more times for the drama, then throw the pieces over my head like confetti. “What do you think? This isn’t a serious proposal. You’re winding me up so that I pull out of the mayoral race. Well, it’s not going to work. I’m going to kick your arse in the vote, and I’m going to marry someone fabulous and fun and absolutely not you.”

My friends cheer as I stomp back to the table. A moment later, the bell tinkles as Augustin leaves. I pull the bowl of butter chicken towards me, but as I spear a piece of meat, I glance at him over Isis’s shoulder, dragging his feet as he navigates through the mess of exposed pipes on the green.

He almost looks… disappointed?

The Nevermore Murder Club and Smutty Book Coven Side Chat (minus Komal)

Isis: Sooooooo, what do we think about Augustin submitting a marriage resume?

Beth: Komal’s right. He’s trying to distract her so that she’ll slip up. She can’t afford any distraction – the launch party is tomorrow, and the big debate is only days away.

Dora: He was sincere. I saw it. I think he really does have feelings for her.