Page 45 of You’re So Vein

“I have no ill intentions towards the Nevermore Coven, not that they’d say the same about me. I’ve been experiencing some discomfort recently.” My eyes flicker over a spell to cure spectral affective disorder. “I wish to find a medical treatment.”

“What kinds of discomfort?”

“Chest palpitations, shortness of breath. Churning stomach. Bouts of melancholy followed by extreme joy. It’s become worse since Councillor Ahuja joined the mayoral race. Possibly it’s stress related, although I’ve never heard of Upyr having such issues.”

Gideon starts laughing.

“Pain isn’t funny,” Alaric says seriously. “Except for that time Kael Morrigan tripped and fell on my sword. That was rather amusing.”

“Augie isn’t sick,” Gideon gasps between chortles. “He doesn’t have fang ache or haemogloomia or any of the eldritch maladies from that book.”

I frown. “Then explain the palpitations.”

“Simple. Our new friend is in love.”

What?

“Ah, yes. It is obvious. Augustin has contracted romance.” Alaric nods sagely. “I am likewise afflicted.”

“That’s absurd! Who could I possibly be in love with…” I glare at them both. “You can’t imagine I’m besotted with Councillor Ahuja?”

“These symptoms of yours—” Gideon rubs his chin “—do they come on when you’re around Komal?”

I think of earlier this evening, watching her on her date. “Well…”

“And does this malady make you glower at her potential suitors, lock her in cupboards, and rescue her from unsatisfactory dates?” Alaric asks.

I slam the book shut and pick up the next volume, From Bat to Worse. “It’s impossible. I can’t be in love. Komal is infuriating. Argumentative. Maddening.”

Gideon grins. “Classic symptoms. Especially the part where you’ve memorised her tea order.”

“I have not—” oh, bother “—memorised her tea order.” I drop the book on the stack with a loud THUD. “I think I’ve overstayed my welcome. I bid you gentlemen goodnight.”

“You can run away from us, Augie, but we know the truth.” Gideon grins up at me. “You’re not dying. You’re just pathetically, inconveniently, head-over-fangs in love with Komal.”

The Nevermore Murder Club and Smutty Book Coven Group Chat

Arabella: You can call off the vamp hunt. Gideon has informed me that Augustin Durant cannot be the husker.

Beth: I’d like to know how he knows that!

Arabella: He says it’s one of those vampire secrets he can’t divulge, but we’re to trust him that Augustin has an impenetrable alibi for Alyra’s death.

Beth: I don’t know if we should take Gideon’s word for anything.

Arabella: Are you insulting the honour of my fiancé?

Beth: Don’t get all bitey on me! I just mean that vampires are so secretive, it makes it hard to trust you.

Winnie: Alaric has also expressed to me that Augustin is not the husker, and there might be other reasons to explain his strange behaviour.

Winnie: And he did this eyebrow wiggling thing that might suggest innuendo or an attempt to get the paint splatters off his eyebrows. With Alaric, it’s difficult to tell.

Celeste: It’s okay, if Gideon and Alaric vouch for him, I’m happy to stand down. I haven’t seen anything unusual on my patrols, apart from him roping some lovely village girl into helping him put up new posters.

Beth: That’s a violation of child labour laws!

Celeste: He paid her with a literal sack of sweets. I don’t think she’s in any danger.