Page 26 of You’re So Vein

Komal: No one told me he was afraid of heights! What man blubbers like a baby on a simple picnic?

Maisie: Well, when the picnic is on top of a forty-foot cliff…

Komal: It was scenic! I was showcasing the best of Argleton’s natural beauty. And I fixed it, remember? The Duke’s office personally wrote me to say that he has never before received such an “audacious” gift basket, and he never wishes to receive one again.

Celeste: And there was the time Komal accidentally summoned a demon at that witches’ summit.

Komal: That was hardly my fault. I knocked over a candle! Who leaves ritual candles lying about in the village hall? It’s a fire hazard. But I fixed that, too. Augustin wanted to throw the book at the witches for violating the fire code. But I convinced him they’d hex him if he pursued it. The witches of Argleton should be THANKING me.

Winnie: Oh dear. I don’t want to tell Alaric he was right.

Komal: I resent this. You sound like you’re on Durant’s side. He tried to talk me out of running for mayor because he thinks I’ll mess up the Conclave visit.

Komal: Well, he can forget it. I’m not dropping out just so he can have his little vampire tea party. I’d be just as good at negotiating this deal as he is.

Arabella: I don’t know about that.

Komal: Are you saying I can’t negotiate with vampires?

Arabella: The delegates won’t even consider your arguments until you complete their rituals.

Beth: Are these rituals dangerous?

Arabella: Let’s just say that I’ve become fond of Komal’s organs remaining on the inside of her body. Augustin can be the one eviscerated if it all goes wrong. Besides, vampires aren’t exactly accepting of humans storming in and saying they know what’s best for us. What with all the burnings and stakings over the centuries. That’s why Alaric didn’t want to tell Winnie. Let the vampires sort out our own laws.

Komal: No way. This is our village too, and our friends’ lives! Team Komal for Mayor is on this, and I need every bit of info you’ve got, because I’m going to keep my insides on the inside and land the greatest human–vampire treaty since… since the last human–vampire treaty! When was that, again?

Arabella: This is going to go AMAZINGLY well.

10Komal

Rishi: Komal, I waited for you after your meeting, but you weren’t there. Who was there was a group of little old ladies with extremely sharp knitting needles who dragged me inside and made me model vulva-shaped hats for their social media. I require no fewer than seven therapy sessions to deal with the trauma. I’ll be sending the bill to your father.

Beth: You won’t believe what was waiting for me when I got back from leading moonlight meditation at Sanctus. A letter from none other than Councillor Durant himself, denying my application to expedite the pole studio rebuild. He says that my application wasn’t submitted in the correct font. THE CORRECT FONT. I’m going to kill him!

THE NEXT NIGHT, WHEN I go to visit Papa, Shera’s buried under a pile of paperwork, so she waves me through onto the ward. I reach for the last bunch of vibrant red flowers in the Gorilla Good Vibes basket, but someone snatches them from under my nose. I look up, ready to fight. Red flowers are Dad’s favourite.

Augustin Durant holds the bouquet over his head. “I got here first.”

“You’d better not be giving those to Papa,” I growl, jumping for them, but of course I can barely reach above his shoulders. Curse my short genes. “I’m his daughter. I give the flowers. You’re his political rival. You shouldn’t even be here.”

“Maybe I’m here to visit someone else, who would also appreciate flowers.”

“Are you?”

“No.” Augustin’s eyebrow quirks. “I need your father’s signature on his mayoral withdrawal paperwork so you can officially enter the race.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t forge his signature and add a secret clause declaring his daughter is forbidden to run.”

“I will do many things to win, Ms Ahuja, but I won’t lie on a council form.”

“You’re insufferable.” I notice a bottle trapped under his armpit. “I hope you’re not bringing Papa alcohol. I know he’s persuasive, but the nurses were very clear—”

“This is blood.” He lowers his voice. “I’m afraid the stress of the Conclave visit and your continued presence in my life are making me queasy, and I’ve found myself too busy to get to my usual feeding club.”

“You don’t keep a Thrall?” For all the secrets he spilled in the stationery cupboard, I still know so little about him. We’ve been in the same small village for years, but I don’t even know where he lives.

“A Thrall isn’t suitable for my living situation. This blood makes dealing with you easier.”