Page 112 of You’re So Vein

“I’m sorry for all those things I said. I didn’t understand—”

He smiles ruefully. “We could both spend all night apologising for the cruel things we’ve said across the council table, but I can think of much more enjoyable ways to spend our evening.”

He takes my hand again, leading me deeper into the forest. With every step, he allows me to see a little more of his magic. Plants bend towards him, tendrils raised in the air, searching for the comfort of his touch. Flowers open into full, luscious bloom. Even the great old trees creak as they lean towards him.

“When I left Dusk Court,” Augustin explains, “I knew that I wanted to live in the woods, closer to the magic. I was tired of confining nature to a structured garden between the stone walls of a castle. I was done with vampires and courts and rules and priesthoods. I wanted only to keep Hannah safe. So I built this place with my own hands. I made a sling for Hannah and tied it to a tree so she could watch as I stripped and felled the wood, forged the hinges and handles, and scavenged bits I couldn’t make from construction sites. She watched her house grow around her, as if it were part of the woods. When she was old enough, she helped me lay these paths and cultivate the garden.”

I can imagine him doing the work, probably not even sweating because he’s a vampire, carrying the heavy logs like they weigh nothing, cutting and sawing and hammering things.

I shouldn’t be imagining him.

I like imagining him.

Paths diverge between the trees. One leads down a set of stone steps to the edge of the stream. Another, to the remains of an old Roman altar. What a wonderful place for Hannah to play. No wonder she’s so creative and imaginative.

The path Augustin leads me down ends in a small, circular clearing. A carved wooden bench in the centre looks out over a sloping bank that’s inundated with flowers. I gasp at the brilliant whites, vivid crimsons and soothing midnight blues dancing in the breeze beneath a blanket of stars. Augustin settles himself onto one end of the bench and pats the space beside him.

I sit.

He stares at the stars and flowers, and I stare at him.

Out here in the woods, those hard edges of his fall away.

He turns to me suddenly, eyes aflame. “You are not afraid? You aren’t reacting to the darkness as you did in the cupboard.”

I shake my head. “It’s strange, but the darkness isn’t bothering me tonight. I think it’s knowing I have a vampire at my side. Plus, it’s hard to be afraid when this place is so beautiful. I guess I’ve never had someone show me that beauty could live in the darkness.”

“I have so little.” Augustin glances back at the house. He takes my hand in his, pulling my fingers into his lap. “The darkness is all I can give anyone. If we’d been able to remain at court, Hannah could have grown up in a castle. This is all I offer her, and it’s not enough.”

“You’ve given her everything you are, and that’s more than anyone can ask of you,” I say, although I understand what he means. “Hannah is lucky to have you. Kids are chill about where they live as long as they’re warm, fed and loved. You’ve seen my tiny house. I don’t want lots of space around me. I like the cosiness. When I first moved out of home to go to basic training, I had to quickly learn to be content with little. A bunk. A fresh pair of socks. Sometimes just a hole in the earth. I found myself in the simplicity of it. Finally, I was my own person. Now that I’m back at home, I’m afraid I’m starting to lose myself in the huge space my family takes up.”

I snap my mouth shut. I’ve never admitted that to anyone.

Augustin doesn’t press. He allows the darkness to swallow my confession. Panic flutters her wings over my heart, but something more powerful than Dora’s charm prevents me from succumbing.

“Thank you for not telling the Conclave about the money,” Augustin says.

“I was never going to do that. Do you think so little of me?”

“I think everything of you.” He turns my hand over in his, looking at our fingers laced together – my brown and his pale white. “I suppose I am used to a world where people hurt each other to get what they want. I know you want to be mayor, and you want your friends to be able to marry. You have shown that you will do anything to fix something you see as broken, even if it means sacrificing yourself.”

“But I’d never sacrifice you. I was at Alaric’s ball – I know what vampire justice is like.” I smile wryly. “Besides, if I tell them what I know, that means admitting that I helped steal that hard drive from Sanctus and that I’ve seen secret vampire files. That probably wouldn’t go so well for me. And… and I feel wrong about the way I’ve treated you.”

“You’ve treated me as I deserve.” He tries to slip his fingers from mine, but I hold firm.

“No. I haven’t. I want to explain, but it’s hard. I guess I’m confused,” I say. “I thought we hated each other. So little in my life over the last few years has been stable and predictable, but I could count on one thing – Augustin Durant detests me. But then you say all those things at my launch party and kiss me under a table and then tell me to forget about it.”

“It’s what you wanted.” His face turns to stone – that barricade I’m constantly banging my head against.

“I haven’t figured out what I want. You decided for both of us.”

“I’m trying to protect you—”

“You’re impossible!” I throw up my hands. “I don’t need you to protect me! I’m a grown woman. I decide who I want to kiss. And maybe I pushed you away because I wanted to protect you. Did you ever think of that?”

Even as I say it, I know I sound ridiculous.

“You’re impossible,” he growls back. “You’ve proven time and time again that you don’t like me and have no interest in what I think. For everyone else, you cannot do enough for them. You will tear yourself apart trying to be everything to everyone, but not for me, never for me.”