Page 54 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

Chapter 34

Penny

I heard Joe’s footsteps coming down the hall towards the kitchen. As he got closer, I felt my stomach lurch, and feared that my breakfast might come back up again. Stop being ridiculous, Penny, you’re doing the right thing, I reminded myself.

Sarah’s words from the day before were still ringing in my ears. She had been right about living life with no regrets. I knew that if I didn’t give my marriage another chance, I might regret it forever. How would I ever be able to look Lucy in the eye, knowing that I hadn’t tried my best to work things out with her father?

So, despite the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, over the last couple of days I had started to gather my belongings and fold my clothes into piles before packing them into my small case. It was time to go home.

‘Good morning,’ Joe said as he came into the kitchen. Mam was at the sink washing the dishes, while Dad dried them. Joe came over and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek before joining me at the table. ‘How did you sleep, sweetheart?’ he asked.

‘Great,’ I lied.

He was in his dressing robe. His curly dark chest hair peeped through above the V where the fabric crossed over. He reached out to take Lucy, but she stayed clinging to me. Disappointment registered in his eyes. She still hadn’t entirely warmed to her father, much to his chagrin. He was trying hard, in fairness to him, and I could sense his growing frustration. I had told him to be patient with her, but it was going to take time to repair their bond. It would be easier when it was just the three of us again, I told myself.

‘There’s a fry for you in the grill,’ Mam said as she scrubbed a pot.

‘Thanks, Rita,’ Joe said, standing up and taking the plate. ‘So today’s the day, then.’ He sat back down at the table and beamed at me. ‘I must say I’ll miss these breakfasts.’ He cut into a thick slice of bacon.

The day had finally arrived for our return to Dublin. I couldn’t delay it any longer: the time had come for us to depart the village. Just like the last of the holidaymakers, who were locking their holiday homes until the following year, and the leaves, which were starting to dance down from the branches in colours of mustard and rust, signalling the end of another Inishbeg Cove summer, it was time for me to say goodbye to the village.

I smiled across the table at him. I knew Joe was excited by the idea of having us all back in our own house again, and for his sake I was doing my best to look happy. Try as I might, I couldn’t find words for what I was feeling. Was it simply apprehension? Worry for the future of my marriage, maybe? Or perhaps it was because I would desperately miss my parents. I would miss the village too, of course, and Ruairí and the café. And Tadgh, a little voice whispered before I silenced it.

‘I must say I’m looking forward to getting back home,’ he continued. ‘The village is lovely, but it gets claustrophobic after a while.’ He laughed.

Mam snorted. ‘I’ve the last few bits of Lucy’s clothes on the line. They won’t be long drying with that wind. I just hope that storm holds off for a while...’

‘Thanks, Mam,’ I said, suddenly feeling emotional. I knew washing Lucy’s clothes before I packed them was a small gesture, but it represented how thoughtful my mother was. Even though I was thirty years of age, she still liked to mammy me, and I liked letting her do it. There was something about having her around that made me feel as if I was wrapped in a warm blanket, no matter how old I was. Mam had been so good to us over the summer. She had got me through some really difficult days. When I had been unable to function, Mam had stepped in and taken over the reins until I was feeling better.

‘We’re going to really miss you both, especially this little lady,’ Dad said, walking over from the sink. He dried his hands on his tea towel before bending down and lifting Lucy up. If Joe noticed how readily she went into my father’s arms, his face didn’t show it.

With shock, I noticed tears glistening in Dad’s eyes. Dad rarely cried. I had to look away, afraid I wouldn’t be able to keep my emotions in check.

‘I know we can’t hang on to ye forever,’ he continued, a tremor in his voice, ‘but it has been the best summer having you both here. Having little Lucy in the house has brought so much joy to our lives. Thank you, Penny.’

‘I know, Dad,’ I said, tears shining in my own eyes. ‘We’ve loved it too, but we’ll have all the good memories we made to keep us going, hey?’

‘We do, love,’ he agreed.

‘And there’s always FaceTime,’ Joe added.

‘I don’t think we’ll be doing much of that,’ Dad muttered.

I knew Joe meant well, but he didn’t really understood how hard this was for Mam and Dad. And me.

‘I no wanna go to our house,’ Lucy protested.

‘Of course you do, sweetheart,’ Joe cajoled.

‘No, I don’t,’ she said, shaking her head defiantly. ‘Me like Ganny and Gandad’s house.’

It felt as though all the air was being sucked from the room. I could hear Joe’s voice in the background, trying to persuade Lucy that she would enjoy going home. Everything faded to a blur. I needed to get some air – just a few minutes alone. To tell myself that I was doing the right thing. I knew I was, so why did my heart feel so heavy?

I pushed back my chair. Everyone turned to look at me.

‘Are you okay, Penny?’ Mam asked, her face etched with concern.

I nodded. ‘I just want to run up to the café to say goodbye to Ruairí before we go.’ I stood up from the table. I felt suffocated and needed to escape.

‘Well, don’t be long. We need to get on the road before that storm arrives,’ Joe warned.

‘I won’t.’ I leant across and gave him a kiss on the cheek, then headed out the door.