Page 53 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

Chapter 33

Sarah

As I climbed back up the path towards the village, I had a renewed sense of purpose. Talking to Penny had bolstered me. Our chat had helped me to cast a spotlight on my own problems. It wasn’t just Penny who had needed to hear those words; they had given me cause for reflection too.

Greg and I had something wonderful together. In the eighteen months since he had come into my life, he had made me happier than I had ever believed possible, and I couldn’t let our disagreement fester out of control. We were bigger than that. I owed it our marriage to sort this out now. I believed that if we sat down, talked properly and listened to one another, then we could reach a compromise. Greg was a good man. I was sure that if he understood how I was feeling, he might be able to see my point of view.

I pushed open the wooden gate. Gareth stood up from the windowsill and arched his back when he saw me. I reached out to rub his tabby fur. Then, taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

Greg was sitting at the kitchen table, hunched over his laptop and surrounded by a sea of paperwork.

‘Greg,’ I ventured.

He stopped typing and looked up at me. ‘We need to talk—’ he said, before I had a chance to say the same words that I had been rehearsing in my head the whole way home.

‘We do,’ I agreed.

He closed his laptop, pushed it away, then he pulled out a chair for me to join him at the table. I crossed the kitchen and sat down opposite him. I could see in his eyes that he hated all of this and I guessed that he wanted to sort it out as much as I did. I couldn’t help feeling a surge of love for him.

‘Greg, I hate this,’ I began. ‘I hate us being on bad terms. It isn’t us.’

He nodded sheepishly. ‘I do too. It’s been on my mind constantly; I’ve been messing up the orders all week in work. It’s all I’ve been able to think about...’

‘Having a family with you is all I could have ever dreamed of. One baby would have been perfect, but to be doubly blessed feels miraculous. We should be savouring every minute of this magical journey we’re on together. I want you by my side throughout it all, and I don’t want to look back sadly or to have it tarnished because we couldn’t be adult enough to work through our problems.’

‘I’m sorry, Sarah. I guess I just want everything to work out okay.’

‘This isn’t just your fault. I don’t think either one of us is right or wrong ... I think we both want the same thing, which is to get this pair’ – I placed my hands on my bump – ‘here safely. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and trying to understand your point of view, and I thought I would try to explain where I’m coming from.’ I paused and took a deep breath. ‘I love being pregnant, I really do, but I also feel a lot of pressure. It’s like I’ve been tasked with minding the world’s most valuable jewels, and I’m worried that if anything goes wrong that it’ll be all my fault and I don’t think you’d forgive me,’ I blurted.

Greg’s mouth fell open. ‘Is that really what you think? But, Sarah, I could never think that. I know it’s harder for you being the one who is pregnant but we’re in this together, no matter what the outcome. It won’t be your fault if things go wrong.’

‘I know it sounds crazy, but that’s how I feel.’ I twiddled with a loose string on a placemat. ‘A large part of me is still shocked to be pregnant, and I don’t feel that I deserve all this good fortune. I hear a voice in my head telling me that something is going to go wrong and that I’m silly for believing that I could ever have all this.’

‘But that’s ridiculous, Sarah.’ He looked aghast.

‘I know. I never said it made sense, but that’s how I feel. Honestly, I’m terrified. At least when I’m busy in work, my head is a little less scary because I don’t have as much time to think about everything that could go wrong.’

‘But why didn’t you say something before?’ His face was filled with concern. He reached across the table and placed his hand over mine. My skin tingled. I had missed his touch so much.

‘Maybe because I’ve never seen you look so happy,’ I said. ‘Ever since I told you that I was pregnant, you’ve been going around with a big happy smile, assuming that everything will work out okay, and I love seeing you like that.’

‘But you’ve shouldered all this worry on your own! You should have told me, and I could have tried to help. I feel like I’ve been so insensitive to all your worries.’

‘I guess I just couldn’t bear to take that excitement away from you.’

‘But we have to stay positive that it’ll all work out okay, or else what’s the point?’

I shook my head. ‘I wish I could, but unfortunately I’m a worrier by nature and, until these babies are here, I can’t take anything for granted. Maybe it’s because I lost Dad when I was young. I know how easily things can go wrong.’

‘Oh, Sarah.’ He got up from his chair, walked over and put his arms around me, pulling me in towards him. Under my cheek, his heart beat steadily. ‘I’ve been a selfish jerk, I’m sorry. I wish you’d told me all of this sooner so I could have tried to be more understanding.’

I shook my head. ‘I love your enthusiasm and ridiculous sense of optimism. It makes me hopeful, so please don’t ever change. Somebody needs to balance up my Pessimistic Pamela.’

‘I need to apologise for giving you a hard time about going to work. When I was growing up, Mom always said that life could turn on a dime, and I got a fright that day when we had to go to the hospital. I guess I was trying to do the impossible. I just wanted to have some control in a situation where we have no control. I know you’d never jeopardise the pregnancy if you thought there was any risk. I’m sorry. I never should have doubted you.’

‘It’s okay, I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have stormed out that morning. We should have discussed it properly like adults and it would never have blown up into this big tiff.’

‘I love you, Sarah,’ he said, kissing me on the lips. ‘I’ve been so miserable over the last few days. No more fighting, deal?’

‘Deal,’ I agreed as he pulled me close. ‘Now, let’s enjoy these last few weeks before all the craziness really starts!’

We flopped down onto the sofa. Greg flicked on the TV and I snuggled into him. We caught the end of the weather forecast, which showed a storm tracking across the Atlantic, due to make landfall in the next few days. I tensed. Living in a coastal village on the westerly tip of Europe meant that storms hailing from the Atlantic were part and parcel of life, but I had always hated the unpredictable nature of storms. Sometimes they would lose power before they reached land, or would track off in a different direction altogether, but there were many times when the village had been damaged by floods and storm-force winds.

‘I hate storms,’ I said, cuddling closer to Greg.

‘I think we’ve had enough storms here over the last few days, so let’s hope this one passes over us.’