Page 27 of Coming Home to Inishbeg Cove

He nodded. ‘I’ve just landed my haul for the day. Last night was fun, wasn’t it?’ He grinned at me and I felt heat creep into my face.

‘I enjoyed it,’ I agreed.

‘We should do it again sometime. Maybe before you go back to Dublin.’

What did that mean? ‘Sometime’ sounded very casual, like in the distant future. Surely he would suggest a time and date if he really wanted to see me again? Maybe he had just been taking pity on me, doing Mam a favour by taking me out.

‘Yeah, why not?’ I said, trying to sound as casual as he was. Silence fell between us and I desperately wished I could think of something witty to say. Although conversation the night before had flowed, now in the cold light of day it just felt awkward.

‘Can I have an Americano to go, please?’ he asked eventually.

‘Sure, coming right up.’ I cringed at my sing-song voice. What was wrong with me?

After my shift had ended, Ruairí sent me home with a large wedge of his divine clementine cake. We said goodbye and, as I walked along the footpath towards my parents’ house, I fished my phone out of my bag. I saw I had a missed call from Joe. My heart began to pound at the sight of his name. I hated the effect he still had on me. He had left no message, so there was no way for me to gauge what he had wanted. I guessed he was probably just checking on Lucy. I took a deep breath and, instead of continuing towards Mam and Dad’s house, I crossed the road and stood in front of the sea wall, looking out across the cove. The waves crashed and roared, battering the reddish stone of the headland as I dialled his number and held my breath, waiting for him to pick up.

‘Penny,’ he said when he finally answered.

‘Hi, Joe.’

‘How’s Lucy doing?’ His voice sounded tired and strained. I wondered if he was finding this whole thing as difficult as I was.

‘She’s great.’

‘Does she miss me?’

‘She needs to see her dad, Joe, it’s been over two months.’

‘Well, that’s why I was calling. I was hoping you could bring her to see me.’

I was stunned by his audacity. ‘Can’t you come here?’ Although I did need to go back to the house we shared, after two months apart I wasn’t going to jump to his orders.

‘Don’t be difficult, Penny. You’re the one who left our home.’

‘Only because you gave me no option!’ My voice cracked, allowing emotion to seep through.

‘You can’t keep her away from me!’ he warned.

‘I’m not, Joe. You know where we are if you want to see us,’ I said.

The line went dead. He had hung up on me. I gripped the phone with trembling hands. Why did he always have this effect on me?

‘Are you okay?’ I heard a voice say from behind.

I swung around, quickly wiping away the tears from my eyes. It was Tadgh.

I tried to compose myself. ‘It’s nothing,’ I said, avoiding eye contact.

He nodded, but I could tell he wasn’t buying it. ‘Want to take a walk?’

I shook my head. ‘I can’t. I have to get back to Lucy.’

‘Well, how about I walk you home then?’

I couldn’t help smiling at him. It was as if he knew when I needed someone. ‘Thanks, Tadgh.’

‘Is everything okay?’ he asked as we walked along the main street.

‘No,’ I said shaking my head, feeling fresh tears pulse in my eyes. ‘It’s a mess. Why is love so hard?’

‘It doesn’t have to be, Penny. You know he shouldn’t be making you feel this way.’

‘I don’t think I can be at the mercy of his moods any more.’

‘It sounds like it’s about time you stopped letting him treat you like a doormat. You were always so sparky. Where’s that girl gone?’

He was right, where was that girl gone? The one who wasn’t afraid of being pushed away or waiting for the right mood? The old Penny would never have settled for being treated like this. How had I become this person? A person whose happiness was dependent on the moods and dramas of somebody else? I barely recognised myself any more. I guess it had crept up on me over the years, but somewhere along the line I had changed, and it wasn’t for the better.

‘I don’t know.’ I sighed sadly. ‘I don’t know when or how it happened but I’m not me any more.’

‘Well, let’s get you back then,’ he said with a grin, and I couldn’t help smile back at him.

‘Do you want to come in for a cuppa?’ I asked when we reached my parents’ cottage. ‘Ruairí has given me a big wedge of his clementine cake.’

He shook his head. ‘I’d better get up to the restaurant. I’ve been gone for long enough – they’ll be wondering where I got to. Thanks anyway.’

I didn’t go into the house immediately. Instead I watched him walk off towards the cliff path. I couldn’t help thinking about his words.

New hope flickered inside me. I was broken and fractured right now but, after spending time with Tadgh, I was reminded of the old me. Maybe that girl was finally starting to emerge again.