Page 197 of A Song for You

Cat

When We Were Young by Adele

Jay: Meet me at your brother’s office tomorrow morning at nine.

Iturn the screen to Sophie, who pours another shot of tequila for me. It’s the last thing I need, but she said that since tequila was our drink of choice when she got engaged, it’s tradition. I think she’s rewriting history, because I was very pregnant when Dexter proposed, but I’m just glad she drove into the city to be with me the minute she got my call.

We’re seated on my cozy black chenille couches, a splurge of mine when I first purchased this apartment. To this day, I’ve relied upon my own income to do everything. My apartment is smaller than what any of my brothers would own, but it’s mine, and right now, I’m thankful for this safe space.

Tears flowed down my cheeks when I explained how I was nothing more than revenge to the man I thought was my entire world. And now that I’ve started, I can’t stop. It’s really freaking annoying.

“Your face is leaking,” Sophie teases, but even that doesn’t help.

“I know,” I wail. “Make it stop!” It’s like a decade worth of tears are escaping.

She pulls me in for a hug, and I let go of the gray blanket that I have draped around me to accept it.

“You’re going to be okay.”

“How? For one beautiful day. No, not even a goddamn day. More like fifteen hours. For fifteen beautiful hours, I got to live in an alternate reality where Jay and I were happy. And now I’m back in hell again,” I whisper through another sob.

I pull the blanket around my body again and tilt my head back in hopes that it will make my eyes stop leaking.

Sophie rubs circles across my back. “I know you said you could never forgive him, but⁠—”

I cut her off with a glare. “There is no but. What he did was unforgivable.”

“Is it, though?” she asks.

Traitor.

I bite my lip to keep from screaming. “Yes. Yes, it’s unforgivable. I was revenge. What we had wasn’t real!”

“That isn’t exactly what he said,” she counters, throwing her hands up when I shoot figurative daggers her way. But she doesn’t stop. “He told you his revenge ended the minute he met you. That he tried to stop the plan.”

“Then he actively plotted to hurt my family. He put us in danger. Not just me, but my daughter.”

Sophie’s voice is far too calm. “He didn’t know about her, babe. He was in a coma. He didn’t ignore your phone calls. And he didn’t actively hurt you, Cat. He tried to protect you. I can only imagine that he’s devastated now that he knows about her. That’s what this is. He’s hurting and acting out…”

“I don’t believe him,” I huff.

She tilts her head and studies me in silence for a moment. “You really think he knew about Chloe?”

I blow out a breath and give the only answer I can. “No, I don’t believe he knew about her. Yes, I believe he was in a coma. But…I don’t trust that his feelings were real.”

With a sigh, Sophie hits me straight in the solar plexus. “That’s because you don’t believe people can love you.”

Breathing through the pain that comes with that accusation, I shake my head. “That’s not true.”

In response, all she does is hiss.

“You think that’s true?” I level her with a glare. “You said I couldn’t love anyone else because of my emotional turmoil over Jay. Now you’re saying I can’t accept love either?”

Sophie tilts her head one way, then the other, as if she’s weighing her words. “I think that your family has done a number on you.” She licks her lips and shifts on the couch beside me. “And losing Jay in the way you did, believing that the man you thought loved you so desperately had conned you? I think it affected you deeply. But Cat, take a deep breath and think it all through. Because what he’s telling you is that none of that happened. He didn’t just walk away. He didn’t ghost you. He was kept from you. And he’s trying now. Let him try.”

“I-I can’t,” I admit, and the waterworks start all over again.

Sophie’s face says it all. I can’t. Because I can’t accept love.