Page 196 of A Song for You

“Yes,” Jay says, his voice low.

“If I hadn’t agreed to marry you, would you have exposed that information?” I seethe.

Jay gulps, but he doesn’t look away. “I knew you’d never let that happen.”

Fury sends my heart rate racing. “Answer the question, Jay. Were you willing to take that chance?”

“I’d do anything to make you mine. So yes, I was willing to take the risk. I would take any risk necessary, including one that could cost me my life, because you and Chloe are all that matter. I love you, Catherine. Everything I’ve done is because of that. If you know nothing else, please know that.”

His confession is so fervent and his expression so distraught that it hurts to listen to him. But I don’t know if I believe him. There have been too many lies between us. Too many secrets.

“What kind of guy falls for a girl he barely knows? It’s a convenient lie you’re telling yourself. Maybe you’ve changed, maybe you did protect me, but you can’t change how we started. You said it yourself. I was nothing more than revenge when we began. That. That’s something I don’t think I’ll ever move past. Now please, Jay, just go.”

“You were the first thing in my life that wasn’t about revenge. It was selfish, yeah. But I couldn’t let you go. I knew the risks. And I knew it couldn’t end well. And I took you anyway. I couldn’t not have you.”

He heaves a heavy breath, and thunder in the background rumbles as his eyes plead with me. “And letting you go…” His voice drops off with a wistfulness that almost chokes me. “Letting you go was the most selfless thing I’ve ever done. You couldn’t have me and your family. And I never wanted you to have to make that choice.”

I shake my head as lightning streaks across the sky. “You have no idea what I would have done had you told me the truth.”

His smile is sad. Patronizing. As if he thinks he has me all figured out. And maybe he did back then. But I’m not that girl anymore.

“You would have chosen me, Kitten. Just like I chose you.”

“You didn’t choose me.” My voice wobbles, the vulnerability I’ve been staving off for so long making me weepy. “You never chose me.”

His jaw hardens and he narrows his eyes. “I’ve chosen you every goddamn day since I walked away from you.”

“You have a funny way of showing it. Sleeping with Grace, announcing your relationship with her in the society pages.” I choke back a sob and blink back my tears. “I was still waiting for you.”

Jay brushes at the rogue tear that slips down my cheek. And for a second, I find myself wanting to lean into his touch, to fall apart in his arms. But I pull back.

“No. You don’t get to rewrite history. I know what happened. And I won’t let you do this. Was Grace conning my brother? Was that your plan? String us along, then break our hearts? Then what? Is this where the two of you stroll off hand in hand, laughing about the fools you left in your wake?”

Jay’s eyes ice over. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I destroyed her for you.”

I laugh but it hurts. Everything hurts where Jay is concerned.

“Just go,” I beg, turning away from him. I won’t cry in front of him anymore. He doesn’t get to see how utterly lost I feel knowing the only person I ever thought truly loved me didn’t.

“It’s not that easy, Kitten. They’re back. I thought you were safe, but…Cat, I need you to listen to me. I’m the only one who can keep you and Chloe safe.”

A shocked laugh escapes me, and I round on him. “Safe? You?” I scoff. “You’re the one who put me in this position!” I cross my arms over my chest and pull myself up to my full height. “No, thank you. I’ll go to my brothers.”

Jay takes two big steps so we’re chest to chest. “The fuck you will. You aren’t listening to me, Cat. You and Chloe aren’t safe unless you’re with me.”

My heart pounds so loudly it’s hard to hear over it, but I stand my ground and glare. I need to call Cynthia and beg her to keep Chloe away until I can figure out what’s true and what’s not. I refuse to let Jay see the way I’m caving under the weight of all he’s told me, but inside, I’m falling apart.

I turn away from him. “Please go. I can’t do this right now.”

Jay grabs my chin and tilts it until I’m forced to look into his eyes. Their depths are so full of longing I can’t understand. “You are and always will be the love of my life, Catherine. Our parents stole so much from us. Don’t let them steal that too. You and Chloe are everything to me, and I’ll spend the rest of my life proving it.”

“I don’t really have a choice but to spend the rest of my life with you, now do I?” I yank myself out of his grasp.

Jay’s eyes cloud as he wars with himself. Then he presses close to me, his breaths mingling with my own. I suck in my breath to keep from cracking. It’d be so easy to fall for his charm. To believe his words. But doing that will only end in heartache for me.

The thunder rumbles closer. The warm air from the impending storm sticks to my skin as the sky lights up with another crack of lightning, making Jay almost glow as his pained voice glides into the space between us. “I may be the villain of their story, but I’m the hero of yours, Kitten. You just don’t know it yet. One day, you’ll realize everything I did was for you.”

Thirty-Nine