Page 2 of Colliding with Ten

Unlike me, AJ always knew what he wanted. Maybe this relationship came sooner than he expected, but it was right for him. In contrast, I couldn’t picture a man in my life. Standing in Meadow’s arms, I wasn’t ready for that. I didn’t know who I wanted to be, let alone who I wanted to be with. AJ had this because he knew himself, but I still had to figure that out.

AJ carried my bags down the hallway. “You can have the guest room.”

“I didn’t ask if I could stay yet,” I said.

He looked over his shoulder. “Were you planning on sleeping in the lobby?”

“No.”

“Then guest room.”

His apartment was nicer than I expected but not flashy. It had big windows and neutral-toned furniture. A throw blanket was folded with military precision over the back of the couch, showing my brother hadn’t changed. Sneakers sat by the door, protein tubs lined the counter, and one framed photo of the two of us from high school sat on the TV shelf.

In the picture, AJ was sixteen, already taller than everyone, grinning with his arm thrown around me after one of my dance showcases. I had flowers in my hand and a leotard under my warm-up jacket. I looked happy.

Meadow touched AJ’s arm and murmured about checking on dinner before disappearing into the kitchen. AJ came back from the hallway and leaned against the wall, arms crossed.

“Dad know?” he asked

My stomach twisted. “No.”

AJ exhaled through his nose.

“I’ll tell him. I just couldn’t—” My voice caught, and I hated it. “I couldn’t do another conversation where he made me feel like I was throwing away my life because I didn’t want to do what he wanted.”

AJ’s jaw tensed. “Did you drop out of school?”

“Umm, I took a leave of absence. Maybe I’ll go back. I don’t know.”

He nodded.

“I know it sounds bad,” I continued.

“It doesn’t sound good.”

“Thanks for your emotional support.”

“You know what I mean,” he said. “Are you okay?”

“No. I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted. “I don’t know what I want or who I’m supposed to be if I’m not dancing.” I bit my lip. “I’m not the kind of person Dad can tolerate right now.”

AJ pushed off the wall and stood in front of me. “Alright.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s it?”

“No. That’s not it.” He glanced toward the kitchen, where Meadow was stirring something on the stove. “You can stay here. But you have to figure out what happens next. I wouldn’t be a good older brother if I didn’t encourage you to find your dream.”

My chest felt hollow. “I don’t know yet.”

AJ nodded.

My breath shook. “I just need a chance to find out.”

AJ reached out and tugged one of my curls like he used to do when we were kids. “Yeah. You can do that here.”