Page 174 of Colliding with Ten

Week eighteen of the season had arrived. We clinched the playoffs a week earlier—good news, but the path there wasn’t pretty. I hadn’t planned the halftime exit, or the two games sidelined by a concussion. It was a late-season wobble that had made a comfortable position feel less comfortable. Still, we were in.

Baltimore ran a 3-4 hybrid scheme relying on their linebackers to disguise who was blitzing and who was dropping into coverage until the snap. We spent the week studying film and running routes against it until my receivers could execute them in their sleep. By Sunday, I knew what their defense would do before they did.

When the game ended, I had three touchdowns, 287 yards, and zero interceptions. We won by seventeen. After the game, I checked my phone.

AYLA

287 yards? That was cool.

Lennox

Cool?

Ayla

I’ve seen you do better.

Lennox

When?

Ayla

I don’t know. I’m sure it happened. You’re pretty good.

Lennox

You’re criticizing my stat line?

Ayla

No, absolutely not. But I think you can do better.

I smiled at my phone in a locker room full of grown men celebrating a win. Jace caught me, and the look on his face said he knew who I was texting and that he would bring it up at the worst possible time later.

In the last few weeks, Ayla and I had found our way back to talking. Not every day or for hours like we used to. We kept tabs and made jokes. The occasional sarcastic comment that felt familiar.

She was doing well in New York and planned to stay. Whenever I imagined a future with her, I reminded myself it was a pipe dream. For now, she was part of my day again, and I had to be okay with that. After losing her, I kept hoping we were just in the middle of our story.

Next came the wildcard round. If we’d placed higher, one more win would have let me rest at home and watch other teams slug it out. Instead, we faced Pittsburgh. This team had been fighting for its playoff life to get here, making it a threat because a team with nothing to lose played like it. Their defensive line came after me on every snap. I took three hits in the first half that I felt in my teeth, but my offense was clicking. I finished with four touchdowns and 312 yards. There was no question who was playing the best football in the league right now. The answer, without arrogance, was me. And I knew why.

For the first time in my career, I wasn’t playing angry or to prove something to others. I was playing because I loved it, and I was playing well because having her in my life gave me peace. I looked forward to hearing her voice at the end of a day spent throwing a football, which was saying something because I really loved throwing a football.

Ayla

312 yards. That was much better. And in the playoffs, too.

Lennox

Better? Can’t you stroke my ego at least a little bit?

Ayla

You have an entire media industry for that.

Lennox

One compliment. That’s all I’m asking for.