Page 23 of Inked in Devotion

I didn’t get this reception from Kirill or Maksim about becoming a father. All they saw was a problem and how it strained the Zahkarov and King relations. Ivan, meanwhile, had morphed over the years from fearless pakhan to gruff—or grumpy—old uncle.

Despite feeling disconcerted at Ivan’s offer, I accepted the cigar. I never expected to be a father or to have a family. I never expected to be celebrated for becoming a father. Ivan lit mine and we both puffed the smoke.

“It went well, but I wonder now if Chloe was right.”

“What, that you have no access to your son? Why in God’s name?”

Sitting in a pool of blood. My first childhood memory included my mother’s lifeless eyes. Others might have chalked it up to that popular TV serial killer’s origin story, but for me, it was as close to reality as it got. That was why I became impassive when Chloe disappeared with that matchmaker, even as Kirill and Maksim assured me we would figure it out. Because at that moment, I saw the truth of her fears.

Because in my mind, my son was born to protect the bratva. There would always be bullets and blood.

“I need to understand, Ivan…” I started.

“What?” He coughed a bit on his next puff of smoke.

I took a long drag of my cigar. I preferred cigarettes. But whatever.

I exhaled a trail of smoke. “I need to understand why Chloe hates you.”

Ivan didn’t answer for a long time. I didn’t press him. He was eager for this clandestine meeting. He tipped the bottle of vodka before staring at its depths as if he’d find the answers there. “Duncan asked me if I could take care of his mistress. Renée was six months pregnant with Chloe. Roman just died, and after I sent Kirill to Russia, Irina wouldn’t forgive me.”

I knew this story; it was the cornerstone of how I met Kirill. Ivan blamed Kirill’s cowardice for Roman’s death, so he banished Kirill to Russia to toughen him up. Ivan’s decision wrecked his marriage and turned Kirill into a soulless bastard.

“Renée reminded me of the joy of being a father. And after losing my oldest child when he was on the cusp of learning to be the next pakhan, I needed that escape. By that time, Duncan had to keep an eye on Esther so she wouldn’t go to another organization and hire a hit man to kill Renée.”

I knew this part of the story, too. Esther King approached the bratva, the Petrov house for a contract kill. Ivan, as pakhan, had to be informed of the request, and since Duncan was a close associate, he let him know his wife had ordered a hit on his pregnant mistress.

“So you were her proxy husband.”

“Never,” Ivan snapped. “I never crossed that line. Not even a kiss, but when Chloe was born…” His chest puffed up. “I loved that kid. Irina had frozen me out. My house was like a mausoleum. Look…before you say anything, I knew I should have tried harder understanding Irina’s grief, but I was escaping my own, and until you lose a child, you don’t get to judge me.”

“Did I ever judge you?”

“No, but…”

“I have no interest in how you fucked up with Irina. All I want to know is why Chloe is so hurt that you disappeared. Did you give them any sign that you were there for the long haul?”

Ivan bowed his head. “Renée and I never discussed it. I knew she was falling in love with me and Chloe…Chloe helped me heal from Roman’s death. I doted on her. I spoiled her like I did Aralina.”

I scoffed, “But when Irina got pregnant with Aralina, you left.”

“I had to make a choice, can’t you see? Irina came into my study and declared that she was moving to Russia permanently to be near Kirill. She asked for a divorce. She said there was nothing left for her here.” His hand shook as he lifted the cigar to take a drag. “That was when it hit me: I…really loved her. She was the love of my life. Caring for Renée was my way of punishing Irina for…”

“For what? For giving birth to Kirill?”

“No, never that. For spoiling Kirill. If Kirill had been tougher, he would have saved Roman.”

“He was nine years old, Ivan.”

Ivan awarded me a flat stare. “Remind me how you were at nine years old?”

“Kirill was born to rule, not to be the protector of the bratva.”

“Same difference. A pakhan is its protector.”

“So, you and Irina reconciled, but you abandoned Renée and Chloe.”

“Not at first, but when Irina became pregnant with Aralina—I had no choice. Irina was giving me a second chance on the condition I would not see Renée again…and…and… I knew Renée had fallen in love with me.”