Page 51 of Highland Prince of Darkness

“Shall we sit?” Iain asked, as he gestured to the stone bench a few steps away from them. May nodded and joined him on the bench, her body curled into his side as he put an arm around her. She was conscious about his injury and sat on the other side of it so that she wouldn’t disturb the wound. Iain was grateful for this as it was starting to ache due to how long he’d been out of bed.

“I’m sorry,” Iain said again, “And I’m nae goin’ to stop apologizing until ye I think that I’ve said it enough. But I wanted to show ye how sorry I am too, I want ye to ask me anything ye’d like about my past. I promise I’ll answer all of yer questions.”

May gasped at this, her eyes were wide, and it was clear that she hadn’t expected him to say such things to her.

Silence ran between them for a while as May thought about what to ask. Iain listened to the whispers of the wind and shuddered as the temperature seemed to continue to drop. Finally, May moved to look up at him properly.

“What did ye really do when ye traveled away from here? Where did ye go and what did ye do?”

It was a broad question, for Iain had done many things on his travels in other countries. But he knew what she was getting at. May was smart and had her suspicions already, she knew that he had done violent things.

“I did what I had to in order to survive,” Iain began, “I fought for men who didn’t deserve it, but they would pay me to be their mercenary, to be their spy. I would find out plots and I would leak secrets to the right people that paid the highest price for the information. I did anything that I could so that I would have a bed to sleep on at night and food in my belly. It wasn’t a life that I’m proud of, ye should ken that by now, but it was enough for me at the time.

“Slowly, I started to make a name for myself, they called me the Diabhal. And in return, I could start to demand even more money for my services. It meant that people were scared of me and my name, it would bring terror to the villages. It comes from the name ‘the devil’ and people would come to fear me because of that. My name became like a folklore in some places, and people tried to link it to both religion and myth. Men would pay me to kill other men, and I would do it. I did it more than I would care to admit to ye right now, my lady, but I did it, nonetheless. I sold secrets and those secrets would seem harmless on the surface, but it wouldnae take a genius to work out that those secrets would get a lot of people killed at a later date. I did some bad things overseas, and that was where I lost myself.”

May listened intently, and as Iain’s eyes adjusted better to the darkness, he could see that her expression held a lot of pain and guilt.

“There was a point when I thought that I would just continue on that path forever. I thought that I would never be able to find happiness again and that I would never see ye again. I would think about ye a lot, ye would comfort me in my dreams, and ye would tell me that I could come home, but I slowly stopped believing yer words. I started to blame ye for the man that I was becoming, but I see now that I could have been anything, and it was me that chose to do that to myself. Those thoughts were getting stronger though, and I was so angry. Not just at ye, I was angry at everyone and I thought that I had finally found a way to live with the things that I’d done; I had to be angry at myself too. But being angry at yerself is exhausting, it’s even more effort than being angry at everyone else too. I thought that I was too far gone, but then I found Bruce.”

“Ye saved him,” May added, as she looked up at him with a light smile.

“Aye, he was lying in a pool of his own blood and I thought that the man was done for. Many of his men had already had the same thought. They had thought that he was going to die, and so they had left him there. They were going to surrender to the enemy and pledge their allegiance to them instead of Bruce, but then I helped him to safety and tried to treat his wounds. I’m nae a healer, but I did my best, and he’s still here, so I did somethin’ right.”

Iain was silent after he finished speaking, he felt a little closer to May after sharing another piece of himself with her. It felt as though they were slowly building up their bond to make it even stronger than it had once been.

“I cannae believe that ye went through all of that,” May finally spoke up, “I ken that it wasnae a pleasant six years, but I had nay idea that ye had suffered so much. For that, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Iain, I am so sorry.”

“Now ye dinnae need to apologize,” he spoke in a soft voice, as he held her even closer to him. May sighed against him and tried to calm herself down. Iain stroked her back and made sure to comfort her. He knew that the things he’d seen were much worse than he could ever describe to her, but she clearly understood the kind of pain that he had been through.

“I dinnae judge ye based on those years, I ken ye only as the man that I love. The man that I have always loved.”

His heart felt slightly warmer upon hearing her words, and it leaped in his chest as she professed her love to him. It felt right, and Iain realized that Bruce had been right, letting go of his anger would make him feel so much better.

“I really do love ye, May. I ken that I’ve been harsh, and I hope that ye can perhaps understand why and find it in yer heart to forgive me for the way that I’ve been treating ye.”

“There’s nothin’ to forgive,'' May whispered against him, “If anyone should be apologizing, it’s still me.”

“Perhaps we should agree to stop saying sorry,” Iain spoke with a light chuckle, “Otherwise, we will both be saying it for a very long time to come.”

“All right,” May smiled along with him. “I just want ye to ken that I never stopped loving ye, ever. Nae when ye had gone, and nae when ye came back, there has never been a time when I didnae love ye, Iain.”

He could only smile at her words, it was the kind of reassurance that he had been needing without knowing it himself. Iain sighed and tried to think of a way that he could put his happiness into words, but it felt as though he was trying to describe something so pure that words evaded him.

“I think a part of me always ken that ye would come back to me. I wasn’t sure how ye would do it, or even if it would be in this life or the next one. But I just ken that ye would find a way and that ye would be here again.”

“Ye weren’t wrong,” Iain chuckled. “Shall we walk back inside, ye’ll catch a chill out here,” he said, after noticing the way that May was trying to stop her body from shaking so much.

“Aye, let’s go,” May nodded and walked with her arm on his.

Iain hadn’t felt too much pain rising up in his shoulder, and it felt as though it was finally starting to ease. He knew that the walk would do him some good, even if it had gone against the wishes of the physician.

They walked through the castle corridors on their own, it was still too late into the night for the servants to be up and making preparations for the next day. They only passed one or two guards on their journey through the stone labyrinth, but Iain still felt much safer while inside of the castle walls.

In the stories that he told May, he had missed out on the parts involving Athol. That was something that he didn’t want her to worry about, it was a burden for only him to bear and not one for his wife to concern herself with.

They were wandering the halls when Iain realized that they were close to their chambers. He hadn’t been inside since the night of their wedding, and instantly he felt a flush of guilt running through him. He had sent May away when she had cared for him all through the night, and she had been sleeping in the bed that they should have been sharing all on her own. The guilt was only continuing to build up as Iain realized just how harsh he had been to her and the kind of things that she had been enduring while he was brooding.

“I’m sorry,” Iain said once more. He was overcome with the emotion that he felt towards her and stopped walking so that he could speak to her properly.

May turned and flashed him a sympathetic smile as she took his hand in hers. Iain felt as though he didn’t deserve her compassion and he certainly didn’t feel ready to move on without showing her just how much he really did love her.

“I thought we agreed to stop saying that to each other,” May said with a small chuckle. Iain shrugged his one good shoulder before moving even closer to her. She opened her mouth to say something else, but he cut her off with a kiss before any sound could escape.

It was evident that she was shocked at the sudden action for a moment, but May quickly melted into his embrace and kissed back with a force that he hadn’t expected. The kiss felt both passionate and desperate, but it still was tender as May was careful around his injury. Her lips moved perfectly against his, and Iain held onto her even tighter as the kiss intensified.

A small smile wandered across his lips as he pulled away, only to lead her in the direction of their shared bedroom.