Page 29 of Highland Prince of Darkness

“I told ye that I dinnae want to talk about it,” Iain said with a weary sigh.

“Aye, but it sounds as though ye need to talk about it. And ye need to talk about it with someone who understands, someone who saw the two of ye before.”

He was right. Iain couldn’t deny that it did feel good to speak with someone who understood the situation perfectly. Douglas had been there for him when he had first told May that he loved her, he had been there and supported him all through the times when Iain had doubted himself and his status.

“Well, then what should I dae?”

“Ye still love her, right?” Douglas asked. His eyes were narrowed slightly and there was a hint of hesitation in his expression.

Iain thought about this for a moment. He knew that deep down he did, he knew that he couldn’t deny that to himself.

“I did once, but I’m nae that Iain now,” he sighed eventually. If there was one person that he couldn’t kid, it was Douglas. He had once known him better than Iain cared to admit, and so he knew that it would be futile to lie to him. Douglas shook his head almost instantly.

“I’m nae going to make ye say it out loud, but I ken that ye’ren’t telling the truth.”

“But ye have to understand why I’m still so angry at her,” Iain spoke with a pleading in his voice that he didn’t use much those days. He felt relieved that he could finally lower his guard and speak with someone on the subject without having to worry about judgement.

“I do, but ye need to look at the bigger picture. It really wasn’t her fault, Iain. There was nothing that she could have done differently without renouncing her claim to the lairdship entirely.”

Iain hadn’t realized that Douglas would defend May so much, it was strange to him that he was so passionate about it.

“I’ve missed ye, honesty,” Iain grunted.

“What can I say, I’m nae going to tell ye that the way ye’re acting is good.” Douglas shifted in his seat as he spoke.

“I ken, but I’ve just been so angry, and everyone expects me to uphold this reputation of being so harsh. It’s just easy sometimes to forget who I was.”

“That’s why ye’ve come back to me? I ken that the man I was once very good friends with is still in there, I ken that I haven’t lost ye in the way that ye think I have.”

Iain wondered if his friend was being truthful, he knew that he could always trust him, but there was still a bit of doubt in his mind.

“All I remember is that ye were there for me, and I’ll always be grateful for that,” Iain smiled at his friend as he spoke.

“Aye,” Douglas nodded, “Now stop talking to me like I’m one of yer noblemen and speak to me like the old times. I never lost ye as a friend, and I ken that this whole Diabhal thing is just the armor that ye wear when ye’re nae wearing yer chainmail.”

“Ye ken me better than anyone,” Iain said with a shrug, as he chuckled and let his body properly relax for the first time in a very long time.

* * *

That evening, Iain couldn’t sleep. He hadn’t been sleeping very well at all as of late and knew that it was due to his conflicting feelings over the entire situation. Despite the cold weather outside, Iain had taken to walking through the gardens at night, it gave him time to relax and collect his thoughts.

With a pipe in one hand and the other rested gently on his sword hilt, he stalked through the rows of greenery that had been there since he was a young boy.

His thoughts were still whirling around about May and how much he still wanted to love her. Iain thought back to their ride up onto the glen, May had been so close to him, so close to touching him. He had forgotten himself for a moment and had almost reached out to hold onto her hand out of habit. Part of him still wanted to do that with her but he wondered if he really could have the kind of loving relationship that they had once shared.

The rain continued to fall in heavy sheets, only causing Iain to grimace more. But he couldn’t sleep and he figured that the outside world was where he felt the most at home. It was after all where he had once spent all of his time.

Nowadays, Iain was caught up in his thoughts. He was brooding and angry with himself a lot of the time. He walked the gardens in the dead of the night and was glad of the lack of company as it gave him time to be himself.

In front of others, even Douglas, he felt as though he had to live up to the image of the Diabhal. He had to be intimidating and ruthless at all times, but it was starting to take its toll on him.

* * *

May sat on the sill of her window and stared out at the gardens below. She had seen him walking through the gardens on more than one occasion in the early hours. The night had descended heavily, the sun was setting early every day it seemed, and was merciless in the amount of hours of daylight that it granted.

May let out a sigh as she watched Iain smoking his pipe. A large part of her still really wanted him, she wanted the man that she had said goodbye to six years ago to just appear and hold onto her tightly. Instead, the brooding man that stood below her window was much colder and harsher toward her.

However, May thought about when she had seen him interacting with both his servants and Bruce. He was much softer than he wanted people to see, and yet May could easily see through the facade that he sometimes put on. He wouldn’t smile, but he still treated everyone with the respect that they deserved, a redeeming feature in May’s eyes.