Page 34 of How to Woo a Highlander

“An announcement will not be enough, Laird William; I want your marriage finalized as soon as possible,” Mr. Baxendale added. At this point, Alastair felt everything inside him breaking down. There was a feeling of betrayal. Jane had lied to him. There was also anger that he had been deceived, and guilt that he’d coveted his best friend’s betrothed to the point of intimately touching her.

Worst of all was the fact that he felt sadness and regret that she was not his, and he would never have the chance to be with her. He could feel his heart breaking, even as he gave a polite bow and excused himself.

“Me apologies; I will return another time,” he said before turning on his heels and leaving as fast as he could, shutting the door behind him. He had just turned the corner when the door opened after him, and he could hear Jane’s footsteps as she hurried to catch up with him.

He did not stop walking but instead moved quicker. There was no way he could face her in his state. His emotions were unstable, and he was unsure of how he would react. He was precariously in the balance between breaking down into tears and breaking something.

“Alastair, please wait!” she called. His heart froze at the sound of her voice as he hurried down the stairs and out of the castle. He needed to take a ride to calm himself. The last thing he wanted to do was talk to her. He had been so blatantly deceived. She had disrespected both him and William by toying with him when she knew William was her betrothed.

Alastair could not bring himself to say anything to William about it. He did not want to ruin his friend’s marriage, but he was also ashamed. How could he face William and tell him of his betrayal? How would he explain that he had fallen in love with his wife-to-be?

He burst out of the castle as he heard Jane’s voice again as she stumbled after him.

“Alastair! Stop!” she cried, sounding out of breath.

He was surprised that she had been able to keep up with him, but then again, she was a fast runner. She was persistent as she followed him even as he headed for the stables, but her tenacity only served to annoy him further.

“Alastair, listen to me!” she demanded, lurching forward and grabbing onto his cloak, forcing him to stop. He whirled to face her, his heart beating fast, and his emotions going haywire.

“What is it that ye could want to say?” he thundered. She was already crying when he looked at her. Somehow the sight of her tears broke his heart even further.

Alastair ye fool, even after being played like a fiddle, ye still yearn for her.

He was disgusted with himself and the feelings he still harbored. He could almost laugh as he remembered how he had been planning a date that very morning. What would she have done if she hadn’t been exposed? Would she have sat at the picnic with him and listened to his confessions of love, making him feel as though his feelings were returned - only to shatter him when William returned to claim her as his wife.

He was right; love was not for him. Love brought nothing but pain. He had been foolish, telling her of his insecurities, and she had taken him for a fool, bringing his worst nightmares to life and breaking his heart. Could it be that she never forgave his earlier hostility and instead chose to punish him? If so, he would have taken any other punishment, but the one given.

Now she was standing before him weeping as though she were the victim when he was the hurt party.

“I am so sorry, Alastair. I was going to tell you,” she began between her tears. He could not help the scoff that rose from within him.

“Aye? And what was it that ye were plannin’ on tellin’ me? That ye were toyin’ with me heart perhaps? Because I dinnae see how ye could keep such an important thing from me if ye were in any way sincere,” he said, his voice harsh and hoarse with emotion. Jane gasped, taken aback.

“It is because I am sincere that I could not tell you! I am not toying with you; I never was; I only want you!” she cried. He gave her an incredulous look.

“So ye are nae toyin’ with me, but ye are to marry me best friend. Should that make me happy, Jane? Ye are nae toyin’ with me, but ye can toy with William?” She took a step back, not knowing what to say.

“No, I am not. I respect William,” she said. Alastair was only getting angrier.

“Right, ye respect William. That is why ye ken ye were betrothed but spent the night in me chambers,” he whispered fiercely, stepping closer to her so that no one would hear. More tears spilled onto her cheeks, and she looked ashamed.

“What is it that ye thought would happen? How did ye expect that we would live in this castle together after ye were married? Surely ye didnae expect to keep me by yer side, betrayin’ me friend each night did ye?” He maliciously spat. She stepped forward, grabbing at his hands.

“No, Alastair, I swear I never thought I would fall for you. I don’t want to marry William, I never wanted to marry him, but I was willing to do it because of my father, but now that I have fallen for you I will stop the wedding, I won’t marry William, I choose you, please Alastair!” she pleaded.

His heart wrenched in his chest once again. It was tempting; there was nothing he wanted more than for her not to be William’s wife, but if she left William for him, it would still be a betrayal, and he would not be able to live with himself if that happened. He closed his eyes, detaching himself from her.

“What ye have said changes nothin’. Ye cannae simply wash the problem away with yer words. I cannae steal away the woman William wants to marry. How will I continue to stand by his side? I am where I am today because of William. Ye wouldnae have met me if it wasnae for William. How could I betray him?” She lurched forwards again, desperately grabbing his hands a second time.

“William does not want to marry me, either! He doesn’t love me! This marriage was arranged for political reasons. William will nae care if I break the engagement.”

Alastair’s glare hardened, and he yanked his hands from hers.

“How dae ye ken that he doesnae want to marry ye? Ye think that I would relax if ye said it was for politics? If William is doing this for the clan, then he’s doing it for me, and it’s all the more reason why I cannae disrupt it. Me friend and me clan come first, Miss Baxendale! I can only regret that ye made me waver in me resolve,” he spat, beginning to walk away again.

“No,” she called, running after him. “Alastair, I love you, I would do anything for you.”

He stopped for a moment, everything in him wanting nothing more than to turn around and take her in his arms. He feared that if he glanced back to look at her, his resolve would crumble.