Page 136 of Carson

“No. I read it in your travel journal. You left it in my room.”

My mouth falls open. I’d forgotten all about it.

“I’m sorry if it was private.”

“No. I had it with me because I was going to give it to your grandfather. He’s planning a trip to Ireland with your grandmother.”

Cole raises his eyebrows. “Um, no offense but I don’t think you want Grandpa reading that.”

“Why not?” Cole has a way of ruffling my feathers.

“It was, I don’t know, mushy. Like not in a bad way, but I don’t know if Grandpa wants a breakdown of how good Carson looks in the fog, and the rain, and the sun.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. I’ll write him an itinerary instead. I didn’t realize I had written any personal stuff in there.”

“It’s quite beautiful, actually.”

I look at him like he has two heads. This doesn’t seem like Cole.

“I wish I had answered his calls, his texts …”

“His emails,” I finish for him. Carson tried everything to reach out to him.

“I know. I was a piece of shit.”

“I wouldn’t say that. It just took you a little longer to see how amazing I am,” I joke.

He looks down the road back to where his cabin is. “I want you to come home,” he says, ignoring my joke. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick.”

“You were just worried about your brother. I get it.”

“Yes and no. I was mostly worried about my own ass.”

Mila and Khloe run toward us and hand us both a sunflower.

“Aw, thank you,” I tell them. They giggle as they run away.

“I’ve been worried about my own ass too,” I tell him. “Chance and my sister didn’t deserve the cold shoulder I’d been giving them either.”

Neither of us tries to make the other feel better about our shortcomings. We just sit quietly, listening.

And when the last bird calls, we turn and smile at each other.

“Do you get up early and listen for the first bird?” he asks.

I laugh out loud, and everyone pauses to look over at us. “Now that’s something I’ve never thought to do.”

“I do it sometimes, when I can’t sleep at night, and the birds start chirping. It never makes me feel very good, because I know I’ve basically lost an entire night of sleep.”

Instantly, I want to help him.

He points at me. “Naw, see what you’re doing right there. There’s no problem for you to fix. But if you ever hear me up at night, I’ll never turn down having company.”

I nod.

“I’ll remember that.”

Chapter Forty-Five