Page 82 of Barefoot Lake

“I mean it, though. Being here with you? This night is already perfect. So, you don’t need to be nervous.”

“It really is perfect. Everything with you these last few days has felt… perfect.”

“But…?”

“I’m leaving in January. I have to go back to Boston, and I don’t know what that means for us.”

“This thing we have? It’s important to me, and we’ll figure it out.”

He says it so simply, like there really is nothing to worry about. I look at him perplexed. After what I’ve learned about Jake’s abandonment issues, I expected a lot more panic.

“What makes you so sure?”

“I talked to Grateful Bob this morning. And while he was basically threatening my life and asking about my intentions, he also made me realize that it doesn’t matter where your life takes you. If you want me in it with you, I’m in.”

It warms my heart to know I’ve got Grateful Bob looking out for me, but my train of thought catches on the mention of threats.

“He what?”

Jake waves me off. “The point is, I’m in. I want you to decide what’s best for you and know I will work around it. Certain decisions in my life were made for me, and I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re ‘stuck’ or that I’m making any for you. If you want to try distance, we will. Boston isn’t so far, you know.”

He makes it sound so simple, but it feels selfish that I get to decide what I want and have it guide both of our lives. Wouldn’t I be doing to Jake exactly what he said he doesn’t want to do to me? I think back to the things tying me to Boston, and I feel even worse because I haven’t told him the whole story.

“I…” I’m not sure what to say.

“You don’t have to decide now. I’d prefer it if you didn’t. This is new. Take some time. I’m here to talk about it if you want to. And if you don’t, I’ll still be here once you make a choice.”

I nod slowly, feeling a tightness in the bridge of my nose.

I will not cry.

Jake’s promises are what any girl would dream of hearing. They’re perfect. He’s perfect. But he has a home here, people who care about him, memories, and the nursery. He says things will work out, but I can’t take him away from here, not just for me. Long distance isn’t a permanent answer, and I don’t see a way I can leave Boston permanently.

It feels hard to rally after such an important decision. It also feels soon to talk about changing our lives. I’m off-balance.

Our server returns with our wine, and I take a big gulp once they walk away again.

Jake’s hand tightens on my leg.

I look up at him.

“Pull out of that spiral for me, Ace.”

He rests his palm against the side of my throat and slides his fingers into my hair. His thumb presses slow circles into the nape of my neck. I think again that he feels so sturdy. I take two slow breaths.

“I promise to think about everything you said, but not tonight. Tonight, I want to be here with you and eat a ridiculous amount of parmesan cheese.”

“Deal.”

I lift my wine glass.

“Cheers, Ace,” Jake says, clinking his glass against mine.

“Cheers.”

The drink of wine I take is likely (definitely) larger than is ladylike, but oh well. Jake raises his eyebrows at me but smiles. There’s no judgment in his eyes, only curiosity.

“It’s to calm my nerves. I don’t know if you know this, but I’m on a date with the cutest boy in town.”