Page 83 of Scarbound

“A joke?”

“A cruel one.” He nodded. “I thought maybe someone had decided to punish me. That someone would say it wasn’t true.” His fingers tightened. “But nobody did.” He drew in a shaky breath. “I told her Haneul was fine.”

Dr. Kim’s eyes remained on him. “Was he?”

Noeul’s face changed. “No.” The word barely came out. “I know that now.”

“But you didn’t know it then.”

Noeul looked up. “I should have.”

“That isn’t what I asked.”

Noeul’s mouth tightened. “No.”

A long silence followed.

“I don’t remember leaving the building,” he continued. “One moment I was standing there, and the next I was outside running. I ran all the way home.”

“What were you thinking?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?”

“No.” Noeul looked frustrated by the question. “I just needed to get away from the words.”

Dr. Kim nodded.

“When I got home, Ji-Woo was there. He was fourteen.” Something softened briefly in Noeul’s expression. “He came around the corner and asked what was wrong. I collapsed on the couch. I couldn’t tell him.”

“But you did.”

“I had to.” Noeul looked away. “He kept asking why I was crying. So I held his hand and told him.” He paused. “‘Haneul is dead.’”

Noeul pressed his lips together. “He told me I must have heard wrong. Then I had to say it again.”

Dr. Kim leaned forward slightly. “That he had died by suicide?”

Noeul nodded. “And Ji-Woo just… broke. He threw his arms around me and started crying.” Noeul stared at the carpet. “He was so small.”

The room remained quiet.

“I remember thinking that I had to hold him together.”

“And who held you together?”

Noeul gave a short laugh. “No one.”

Dr. Kim didn’t challenge the answer.

“I sat there holding him, and suddenly I thought of Haneul’s mother.” Noeul’s expression changed immediately. “She loved me.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“She did.” Noeul’s voice became firmer. “She treated me like another son. Sometimes I ate at their house more than my own. She knew what food I liked. She’d buy things because she knew I was coming over.” A faint smile appeared and vanished almost immediately. “She used to scold Haneul if he didn’t save me enough.”

“And when you thought about her that day?”