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My husband, kissing a woman who isn't me.

I roll onto my side then the other. I do it again and again until I realize I’m about to turn myself into a plump piece of unwanted human dough, and so I stop and just shove my face into the pillow instead.

Darkness is all I see now, but it doesn’t help.

Aaargh.

I sit up in a fit of frustration, helplessness, and heartbreak.

It’s already two in the morning, but the memory…

That memory…

It’s kept me up all night, and I just…I just need to do something. I need to keep my mind busy, and so I find myself impulsively getting out of bed. What I’m about to do is insane, but I’m just ready to try anything at this point, and so I take off the gold chain around my neck and place it inside my bedside drawer before changing into my swimsuit.

This is going to be my first time taking advantage of the pool access perk for staff. Hopefully, no one will be around to see me crying. Or if someone’s there, then hopefully they won’t realize my face is wet with tears.

Because right now…

It’s already started.

And it makes me feel like an idiot.

I’m crying on the way to the pool at two in the morning, and I’m crying for something I initiated. If that’s not the definition of stupid, I don’t know what is.

The pool is thankfully empty when I get there, with the lights turned low, and my bare feet only make the softest noise against the tiles. I stand at the edge, staring at my reflection in the water, and that’s when it gets worse.

Just please stop.

Please. Please. Please.

Just stop.

Because this time, I’m not just an idiot.

This time I think I’m also losing my mind because here I am, jumping into the heated water of the pool⁠—

Please just stop loving him.

—while my mind cries out to my heart like they’re two completely separate entities.

Aaargh.

I swim and swim until I’ve lost count of the number of laps I’ve completed, and the muscles in my arms have started to burn. But I keep swimming because it’s amazingly effective in silencing the noise in my mind and numbing the pain in my heart. I swim and swim and swim, and I only stop when my lungs also feel like they’re on fire.

I drag myself up the steps and out of the pool, my body heavy, and my heart even heavier. I wipe the water out of my eyes, and that’s when I see…

Ruel?

The shock of seeing him has me backing away unthinkingly, and the next thing I know, my heel is slipping on the wet tile, and oh no.

I’m about to fall back into the water when Ruel catches me, his hand closing around my arm as he yanks me away from the edge, and I stumble right into him.

Oh!

I’m still completely wet from my swim, and thanks to my almost-accident, so is he.

“I’m so sorry.” I jerk away in horror, and I’m even more horrified when I see my shape tattooed on his shirt in a painfully big patch of wet fabric. “I d-didn’t expect⁠—”