Page 229 of Breathe Like Hell

I gave myself ten minutes.

Just long enough to be able to breathe again.

Then I pushed myself off the ground, climbing up to my feet, swaying unsteadily and wincing in pain—but staying upright.

I needed to find Mason and Micah.

The sky was so gray, contrasting sharply with the memory of what it’d been in Heaven, and all the air I drew deep into my lungs was full of familiarity, full of the life cycle on Earth. Growth and decay. I could sense the thinness of the neon here, could sense the way my inhales were no longer as satisfying as they’d been in Heaven, but I could also ignore it without much effort.

I tried focusing on making my wings disappear and was relieved when I felt the weight lift from my back. It was not difficult—a natural process to me. My fingertips reached back to brush over the exposed skin of my back, and I felt my own raised scars, twisted into my flesh. I thought about Mason, thought about how I’d noticed his scars for the first time on this same beach as he disappeared beneath waves.

I followed him.

Followed him down below the surface, into the dark, into the terror. Stupidly, naively.

But I survived it.

As I climbed up the rocks, my entire body hurt. All the bruises and broken bones ached beneath my skin, the salt air stinging my healing cuts. I brushed sand off my face, pushing my wet hair behind my shoulders, taking big steps over dark rocks brushed with frost.

I walked first to my trailer, keeping just inside the edge of the forest as I went along the road—keeping hidden from passing cars. A paper-thin layer of ice crunched under my boots, frigid wind blowing around my body, but none of it touched the heart of me. There was no fatigue in my muscles as I stomped up the steps to my trailer, and I’d healed enough for my ribs not to flare with pain every time I inhaled.

Not wanting to waste time, I stripped all my ruined clothes off and changed as quickly as I could into ones that were clean and dry. Then I attempted to drag a brush through my hair and pulled it back into a long braid down my spine. My boots were still wet, but I didn’t have other shoes here, so I put on my thickest socks.

I assumed my phone and other belongings would be at Micah’s house, so I headed there next, taking the bus just as I normally would, anxiety winding tight in my gut as I sat in my usual plastic seat. Just hold on for a few more minutes. It will be okay soon.

But when I got off the bus and walked the rest of the way to his house, it became obvious that he wasn’t home. Neither was his truck. It made me uneasy. Surely, he’d be expecting me to come back here first.

My stomach turned just a bit more.

I took a deep breath, blinking away my tears.

Inhale.

Exhale.

I walked back to the bus stop, then waited for one to bring me to Mason’s apartment.

When I finally made my way through the parking lot at his apartment complex, I spotted Micah’s truck, relief trickling through me. He’s here.

I went in the lobby then up the elevator to the sixth floor, tears stinging more with each step. All I could think about was Micah kissing me on the forehead again, telling me he was proud, and how everything would be okay now. Or Mason, holding me against his chest in a warm shower. Both of them, sleeping next to me in the bed as I pretended I wasn’t still sad about the baby I’d lost.

Standing in front of Mason’s front door, I raised my fist to knock.

Silence.

I knocked again, harder.

Nothing.

I pressed my ear to the wood, trying to listen for any noise coming from inside, but there was none. Maybe with my new strength I could break in to the apartment? It was a dumb idea, but I was going to die if I couldn’t see them now, so I had to try. I backed up a few steps, staring at the wood, then ran forward and hit the door with my shoulder.

Surprisingly, I heard wood splintering upon impact.

Not enough to open the door, but something.

I threw my body into the door again, and it gave way, flinging open and slamming against the wall. I stumbled into the apartment, then stopped dead in my tracks.

The same bad feeling from earlier magnified in my body, flooding my new ichor-laced veins.