Page 12 of The Gods Order

I don’t know what to do.

I drag in a deep breath, but it catches halfway, refusing to allow my lungs to fill with clean, crisp air. I try again, and again, and again. The relenting pressure builds to the point I’m sure I’m going to suffocate.

Everything inside squeezes tighter until—

“Fuck!”

The curse erupts from my mouth in a raw, violet, and painful scream. It echoes across the hot spring and slices through the forest, no doubt reaching the walls of my home.

My home.

The home I made in a place I was “never” supposed to go.

I bend forward, hands bracing against my thighs, and let out another bellow that has every inch of me trembling. I don’t stop it from pouring out of me despite the searing burn blazing through my lungs.

Pressure remains trapped in my chest, and I swear to the gods it’s clawing away at my insides.

I throw my head back and glare at the stars.

“Fuck you!”

The curse cracks through the air, tearing something in my throat. The sting doesn’t distract from the pain in my heart.

My father. A Beginning God.

Meridamus. A Beginning God.

Oh my gods…Mellcom. He’s…he’s…the son of a Beginning God.

Possibly—oh no, no, no. Her. His mother.

I slam my balled fist against my chest as if I could beat the feeling out. As if I could rip away the ache splitting me open.

“No. Valories.”

The memories crash through me one after another. The years, the conversations, the trainings, the teachings, the tears. The long nights begging and crying for them to come home.

The fucking promises.

Stay away from the gods. Don’t pray to them. Don’t go to them.

A bitter laugh escapes me. Not because anything is funny. This is the fucking furthest thing from funny. I genuinely don’t know what else to do. This is all wrong and twisted.

Twenty years.

The number circles endlessly through my mind until I’m dizzy. I stagger back a step and press the heels of my palms against my eyes hard enough that it hurts.

Don’t you fucking do it.

Don’t cry.

Don’t you dare—

“Thayla.”

My head whips up at the echo of my name and my gaze collides with four sets that are full of concern, anger, devotion, and…love.

My knees shake and my bottom lip trembles.