Page 18 of Sex On A Plate

Cover. Turn to low temp.

Let this simmer for four hours, covered.

Spend those four hours reading the first half of my most recent book, THUG, on Kindle. If you subscribe to Amazon Prime, you can read it for free on Kindle Unlimited. If not, it’ll cost you 3.99. Either way, it’ll be the most entertaining four hours you’ve ever spent cooking.

By the time you’re ready to go back to cooking, there’ll be three kidnappings, a couple “Awe, that was so sweet” moments, and a few (if not more) “holy shit, I didn’t see that coming” scenes.

Be sure to set a timer, because you’ll get lost in the book. When the timer goes off, toss the book and uncover the pot.

Add the 3 jars of green chili sauce.

Stir well.

At this juncture, you’re probably asking yourself if my father used Sprout’s Green Chili Sauce.

No, he sure as fuck didn’t. BUT. If I took a slow cooker filled with my Chili Verde up to heaven and served it to him, he’d love it.

If you want to make the sauce from scratch, it’s pretty easy.

You’ll need a 1/4 cup of chopped cilantro, poblanos peppers, jalapenos, and tomatillos (the little green tomatoes that are covered with husks).

Tomatillos aren’t always available in all regions, hence my initial suggestion for something ALMOST as good.

The recipe for homemade sauce is this: Twice as many tomatillos as peppers. For a 3- or 4-pound recipe of pork (enough to feed a family twice), you’ll need 6 peppers (total). Therefore, 12 tomatillos.

Depending on whether you want it mild, medium, or spicy, you’ll need to adjust your pepper mix one way or the other, with more jalapenos being hotter and more poblanos being milder.

4 poblanos and 2 jalapenos is right in the middle. Try that if you’re uncertain.

Slice all the peppers in half. Toss the stems and seeds. Peel husks away from tomatillos and toss those nasty fuckers aside, too. Slice tomatillos in half. Roast everything in the oven on a cookie sheet for 10 minutes.

As soon as you remove them, place the hot peppers in a large Zip-Loc bag and zip it shut. (leave them in the bag for ten minutes or so). This is the equivalent of steaming them, which will allow the outer skin to be peeled away with ease.

Toss roasted tomatillos and cilantro in a blender. Don’t blend them yet. At the ten-minute mark, remove the peppers and peel away the outer skin. It’ll be a breeze, because you steamed them. Shit can the skins and add the peppers to the blender.

Blend.

Yes, it’s that easy.

So, where were we?

You’re either adding the jars of sauce or the homemade sauce to the pork. Add it.

Cook pork for an additional 50 minutes (on low), 30 minutes with and 20 minutes without lid (in that order). During this time, you can go back and re-read the intimate scenes of the book. When the time is up, set the book aside and get ready to eat.

Serve with Tortillas (or ladle into a tortilla, roll it into a burrito, and ladle more on top). Garnish with shredded cheese.

It can also be served with Mexican rice.

Although it’s not on the list, I suppose I’ll give you my best Mexican rice recipe. If you choose to make this, you’ll want to do it during the tail end of the four-hour window you have while the Chili Verde is cooking.

You’ll need:

(2) 10 oz. cans of Ro*Tel Tomatoes and Green Chilis, chicken broth, long-grain white rice, a couple of jalapenos, some oil, 3-4 cloves of garlic. Cilantro. A couple of large skillets. A plastic (or wooden) spoon.

Blend the Ro*Tel to a puree. Throw one can away and keep the other one for later.

Dump the blended Ro*Tel into a skillet. Add a little salt, a lot of pepper, and a reasonable amount of cumin (two teaspoons or so).