Page 97 of Weddings, Revenge & Fake Dating

“I’d like to speak with Customer Service.” Jeanie rushes her words.

My palm halts on the doorknob. I glance over my shoulder, very aware of the deep lines forming on my forehead. I’m unsure where she’s going with this.

Because the need to see her face again is so staggering, I turn and play along with our ongoing gag. “This is Customer Service. How may I help you tonight?” I say, though I can’t disguise the sadness overshadowing my voice.

“I’d like to issue a complaint about one of your life coaches,” she says as her gaze roams the room. She can’t even look at me.

“I’m sorry to hear that.” I frown. “Tell me about your experience.” My voice remains monotone as a large part of me dies.

“My life coach was supposed to be my evil sidekick, but he fell short of my expectations.” Jeanie visibly swallows.

“Go on.” I angle my head, tuning in to the way her cheeks turn the color of an azalea bush.

That’s unexpected.

“He was terrible at breaking up weddings and even worse at fake dating. He seemed more concerned about holding my hand so possessively, he made me believe I was the only woman in the world. He kissed my neck in this one spot.” She touches her collarbone. “It was heart-stopping. I almost died. Then he made me come so hard, I saw stars. Like, on multiple occasions. There were too many orgasms to count.”

My lips quirk.

She rambles on. “He cares about my family, especially my son. And don’t even get me started on how devastatingly handsome he is. His eyes, they’re melty and gorgeous, and when I stare into them, there’s a strange fluttery thing that happens in my chest.” Her fingers flitter over her heart.

“Anything else?” I raise an eyebrow.

“I was in such a bad emotional state when we met, I couldn’t see another way to live. I was stuck in this lonely dark place, but he pulled me out. He showed me what life could be like with an engaged partner, someone who looks after my needs, and someone who fights for me, even when I’m scared shirtless.”

Scared shirtless? I smirk.

“I’m sorry, I don’t understand your complaint. It sounds like your life coach gave you superior service and went well beyond the parameters of the contract.” I place my duffel aside.

“That’s the problem. He made me believe in myself. He made me think this anxious, hot-mess express,” she looks down at herself and then gestures, “is worthy of someone as wonderful as him. He made me fall for him. Hard. And now I don’t want the contract to end.”

“You’d like to renew your contract?”

“Indefinitely.” She nods, her eyes glistening with hope.

My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I unsuccessfully control a widening grin. My gaze scans the room, trying to land on reality, because I can’t believe this is happening. When the truth sinks in, it lands on Jeanie.

My brave girl.

“It so happens I have our contract right here,” I say with seriousness. I pretend to hold up a piece of paper, but then mime ripping it apart. Invisible pieces flutter to the floor.

Jeanie appears confused.

“I don’t want to be your fake boyfriend or your life coach. I want this to be real, no contracts, and no more Customer Service,” I say.

“Really?”

“I want real dates, not fake ones.” I move closer.

“And what about the Bachelor King?”

“Even though you were my teenage dream all those years ago, you’re the standard I held up for all women. The problem is no one could compare to you. And now that I know you better, I know no one ever will. No one. You’re worthy of love, and I want to be the one to give it to you,” I whisper near her ear. “Over and over and over.”

She laughs, her eyes alight.

“But you should know,” I say with a frown, “now that we’re exclusive, I’m the jealous type.”

I rip Mini-Wolf from her grasp and toss him onto the floor.