Page 119 of Smoke and Glitter

He's telling me something he learned about himself afterward.

He watches my face for a moment before looking down at the table.

"That's what I kept thinking about after I opened your envelope. You did for me exactly what I spend my life doing for everybody else. You saw I was stuck before I asked and found a way to help."

"And you hated it."

"I hated how exposed it made me feel."

His answer comes without hesitation.

I wrap both hands around my coffee.

"I like taking care of people. I don't want to turn every decent thing I've ever done into evidence that I'm secretly fucked up."

"I never thought you should."

"But giving is easy for me." His shoulders shift under his shirt. "If I'm the one helping, I already know what I'm willing to give. I don't have to ask somebody for something and wait to see what they do with it."

He looks down at his hands.

"When you handed me that envelope, I was suddenly on the other side."

"And you punished me for it."

His eyes come back to mine.

"Yeah. I did."

The agreement hurts, but not in the same way denial would have.

Sam leaves it there for a few seconds before continuing. "After he signed, the financing cleared. I signed the Pilsen papers this week."

It takes me a second.

"You bought it?"

"I bought it."

Warmth breaks through before I can stop it.

"Sam."

His expression changes when he sees mine.

"You did it."

"I did."

For a few seconds, I am simply happy for him.

That feels strange after everything else sitting on the table between us, but I take it anyway.

"Congratulations."

His smile is small and real. "Thank you."

I take another drink. "Does it look the way you imagined?"