Page 60 of Doubting Hearts

Chapter Seventeen

TOBY

THE RIDE back to the hotel was the longest journey I’d ever made in my life. The taxi had picked me up halfway down the long gravel road from Rain’s cottage to the main road. I’d gotten into the back. The taxi driver saw I was in no mood for small talk. My hands were trembling and cold. The taste in my mouth was like ashes, making my throat dry. I felt dead inside and wanted nothing more than to crawl into a dark place and never wake up.

Seeing Rain kissing his ex like that, seeing the man’s hand on his groin and Rain’s acquiescence, had shaken my world off its axis. I’d thought I was that man for Rain, but obviously not. Then the comment about being the fuck buddy had simply been the last straw. I’d heard Rain snarl about not calling me that, but the damage was already done.

I’d wanted to surprise my lover. I’d managed to get away from Simon’s frenetic activity for a short while. The man was driving me crazy, and I needed a respite from the slide shows of the new hotel, the plans, and the stories around its creation, entertaining though some of them were. I’d wanted to surprise Rain at the cottage, maybe for a little afternoon loving. He’d said he wasn’t working today because he had some plans to finish for the new library.

Yep, sure, he was working on his plans. Plans to fuck his ex- boyfriend, more likely.

The taxi had dropped me at the end of the road, and I’d walked up so he wouldn’t know I was coming. But then it had all turned to shit. I’d seen them sitting together, Tommy’s mouth excavating Rain’s and Rain letting him do it. That was what hurt the most. At least when Mikey had kissed me at the hotel, I’d been prepared and pushed him off. But Rain looked as if he’d been enjoying this exploration of his mouth. I’d been a bloody fool to think we had something special. I’d almost told him I loved him the night we had the champagne games but had gotten cold feet at the last minute. I was glad I hadn’t now. I would have looked like a bloody fool.

The taxi dropped me off, and I paid him. Tammy wasn’t at the reception desk, thank God, as her eagle eyes would have picked up something wrong straightaway. I didn’t want to answer any questions. Stacey eyed me curiously as I stormed into the office. I had catering plans and stock takes to finish, so I thought it would help take my mind off things for a while. I couldn’t really concentrate. In a temper, I slammed my hand down on the desk, making the cold coffee I’d forgotten to drink spill everywhere.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I muttered under my breath. I heard an amused chuckle from the doorway.

Simon stood there, his eyes twinkling at my bad temper. “Toby, my boy, you look like a little thundercloud. What the hell is wrong?” He moved into the office and looked at me curiously.

I shook my head. “Just a little mishap, Si. Nothing that won’t clean up.” I reached over and pulled out some tissues from the box that Tammy kept on the desk.

He stood next to me, his hand on my shoulder. “I wasn’t talking about the coffee,” he said quietly. “I was talking about the man. Something or someone has upset you. I know you too well.”

I mopped up the spillage, saying nothing. My mobile bleeped, and I scowled. It was a text from Rain. I wanted to ignore it, but instead, like a lovesick teenager, I picked it up and read the message.

Toby, Tommy’s gone. I promise. There’s only you. We need to talk. R x

I snorted, slamming the phone down on the table.

Simon regarded me with wise eyes. “Are you fighting with Rain?” I pressed my lips together mutinously.

Simon sighed. “Toby, we all fight with people we love. The trick is not to let it get out of control. What’s the man done to deserve your ‘Toby ire,’ fierce as it is?”

I took a deep breath. “I found him with his ex and his tongue halfway down his throat.”

Simon’s eyes widened. “Ah. I can see why that might have upset you. Did he say why?”

I looked at him in amazement. “Isn’t it bloody obvious? There’s normally only one reason you kiss your ex, and that’s because you want to, because you like it. And he liked it, believe me.” My voice was bitter.

My boss sighed. “Sometimes things aren’t black and white, my boy. And from what I know about Rain, he really cares for you. I can’t see him doing anything to jeopardize that.” His voice was gentle, and my eyes prickled with tears. I blinked them away fiercely.

“That wasn’t what I saw,” I muttered. “And that bloody ex of his had the temerity to call me Rain’s fuck buddy.”

Simon winced. “That’s not pleasant. What did Rain say about that?” I looked at him, a little nonplussed, remembering Rain’s fury at

Tommy’s words. “That I was nobody’s fuck buddy. He got pretty angry about it—smacked his ex in the chest.”

Simon pursed his lips. “Did you at least let him explain what happened between them?”

I said nothing, just scowled. Simon nodded sagely, and I wished like hell he’d stop being so bloody reasonable.

The man was supposed to be in love with me, for God’s sake, you’d think he’d be rubbing his hands in glee at the fact that his main competitor was out of the running.

“Toby, you know I care deeply for you, far more than I should. And that is my cross to bear, because I know you don’t feel the same way.” I opened my mouth to say something, and he reached across and laid a gentle finger on my lips.

“Let me finish. The past few months you have been a different person. You’ve opened up to someone and really let them in, and for you that is an incredible feat. You trusted Rain, and I can understand that you feel betrayed. God knows, with what you suffered in your past and that last ghastly foster home you were in with those dreadful children, you have every right to be wary of people. But this man has been good for you. You can’t throw that away without a very good reason.”

I felt a chill down my spine. “What do you mean the foster home I was in and the dreadful children?” I’d never told Simon much about my life before I’d finished hotel school seven years ago. He knew I’d been a foster kid from the age of ten, being pushed from pillar to post, and about the incident with Landon, of course, but that was all. I’d spared him any further details, especially about Ricky or my last placing.